[open: tw for blood, mind fuckery, suicidal ideation] I guess it's over now

[dr_awesome]

Before:

He just needed something fun. That's what he's been telling himself. After nights of various unpleasant dreams being hijacked by his friends, and then being forcibly shoved into everyone else's weird nightmares like a far less fun version of the Matrix, Watts needs a break. He's not helping Sans with his science. He's not trying to wander the castle and have conversations with people that more than likely are annoyed by him. He just... needs some stupid harmless fun.

And when there's no gaming consoles or wifi in the castle, you have to get a little creative.

Apparently, Neil's codes aren't completely useless in the castle. Sure, he can't reset memories, disable speech or taste, turn off his visibility, or even lure out mementos, but he still has some skill with manipulating data.

He's found a nice little private space in the lounge, and passersby may find him focusing very hard on a patch of air in front of him. Literally a patch, it seems to jut out from the rest of the air, shimmering and shuddering in front of Neil's hand. Eventually, it grows and morphs, changing colours... and in another instant, there's a tabby cat letting out a loud meow as it's suddenly dropped from the air back down to the ground.

"Haha, yes!" Neil gets down to his knees, scratching behind one of the cat's ears. The cat surveys him and lets out another mew.

"Hm... not exactly up to my usual standards, but I'll have to make do. Now, what else can I try..."

After:

Neil's still in the lounge... it's just that now there are more of them.

There seem to be a literal crowd of scientists slouching around the lounge, leaned back on couches, staring out windows, walking in place. They're all mumbling to each other, some of them more clear than others. One of them smiles at a double of himself as you walk past.

"Well, I suppose I had a good run."

The other stares back at him. "Not good enough, it seems."

There's one that has cornered another Neil against the wall, constantly slamming his fist into the doppleganger's gut. "It's how people blew off steam before FPS were invented," he reassures you with a grin.

Still more snippets can be heard if you push through the crowd. "We always succeed, because we're awesome." "The geezers just keep getting crazier..." "I'd be screwed either way."

In the center of the group is Neil. The real one, not buzzing in and out of existence in bursts of static, but... he still doesn't look good. He's curled up on himself, nails digging into the floor, feebly coughing and hacking as blood dribbles down his jaw and onto the collar of his shirt. A few copies of the same woman stand around him, looking down at him with the same mixture of annoyance and apathy.

"Tell me what you see." One says, holding out a pill bottle. She takes off the cap and holds it upside down. Nothing falls out.

"Shut... just shut up." Neil mutters hoarsely, and another one laughs, answering in his own voice.

"'Shut up' isn't my name, you know."

He tries to pull himself away from them, crawling along the floor.

"Why are you working so hard for this? 'All this trouble, just for some girl.' That's what I thought you'd say."

One of them finally turns to look at you, and moves so she can block Neil from view. "Get out. This ain't a movie and you're no hero. You're just being a moron."

There's more coughing from behind her, but Neil doesn't seem to be trying to move anymore. There's no point, is there? He's fucked up enough here already. And he didn't want to be here anyways...

"Why would you waste time like that?"

Yes, why would he? Being here isn't doing himself any good. He's not going to fix his machine, he's not going to make any advances... all he's doing is running out his clock.

Might as well let the batteries die a little early.

Comments

[sansational]

"yeah, well, if you'll take a word of advice, i wouldn't try it again."

Sans has seen some truly disturbing things in his life, but being surrounded by this crowd of bitter clones still has him on edge. Not to mention the sight of that blood. He's more used to it than most monsters...but that isn't exactly saying much. And he has a lot less experience with fixing bleeding humans. It's not what he's for. He can at least get Neil off the floor, except...can he? Sans remembers when he'd demonstrated his powers, back at the party. The doctor had seemed to be in pain, for a moment. He doesn't want to risk that now.

With a faint growl of frustration, Sans tries to *CHECK to see if he can get any clearer idea of the state of Neil in that moment - just how low his HP is, and whether he's actively getting worse. Focused as he is on that, Sans sounds more than a little distracted as he answers the copy. "what's wrong with being a joke? jokes are great. your partner sounds like a pretty cool person."

[dr_awesome]

"Guess... not."

It's not really the fault of his experimenting. It only got out of hand because he was weak in the first place. Weak and out of the one thing that's kept him going this long. Not that he's going to admit to that.

He could almost laugh at himself. He's on the verge of death and he won't tell a single soul about his illness? Eva was right. He is a moron. A moronic asshole who's too stubborn to even save himself. Someone like him would not be missed.

"It actually says that, right here." One of the Eva's brandishes a clipboard. "Would not be missed."

God, he never should have introduced her to that stupid game.

The check shows him the same slightly injured soul Neil had before, only a bit dimmer now. His HP is at a dangerous point, but at least it doesn't seem to be depleting. The one thing that is concerning is his mental state. It's a little hard to tell, but the clones seem to be actually coming from his own subconscious. Even if Sans can't sense that, the wince he wears when the doppelgangers continue speaking might give it away.

"Don't... bother with 'em."

"Oh, that's right. Why would you bother with us? 'It's not like he's real. He's just a program, you know. Worse comes to worse, we can just reset.' I wonder if you'll change your tune when you turn out to be the copy. Because," the copy continues, turning his attention back to Sans, "his life is definitely a joke. And dying alone, without a single friend? Without a single concerned coworker, without his family, without the partner he keeps insisting is just an annoyance? That's the punchline."

[sansational]

Sans glares over his shoulder at Eva. "i don't think it actually says that." Then he turns his attention quite firmly back to Neil, with the air of one who is determined to ignore all over distractions. Though that, of course, is easier said than done.

He doesn't need the check to determine Neil's mental state. He knows those eyes from the mirror, at least when Sans bothers to look in a mirror. At least he isn't actively dying. Getting him off the floor and getting him some water might be a good start, and then Sans can try to find someone who can put back some of that missing HP.

"not planning on it," he says as reassuringly as he can to the real Neil. Sans lifts both hands and closes his eyes. "stay with me, pal. this might feel a bit, uh...weird."

He's just about to turn Neil's soul blue as gently as he can when the clones start off again. Sans grinds his teeth, flexing his fingers in agitation.

"he's got one friend right here. and all of you can quiet down."

Neil will feel that same sort of squeezing in his chest, though still noticeably gentler than before, and slowly he starts to hover up and off the floor.

[dr_awesome]

Easier said then done, which is probably why so many of these data projections keep appearing. Each one finds something to nitpick, some little insecurity to pull away and reveal another spot to jab at. And Neil's stuck here, forced to listen to it all. It's not surprising he looks more than just weak.

To someone like Sans, the look in his eyes may be familiar as the look of someone about to give up.

At least, until Sans says that. That seems to both change Neil's expression rather quickly and shut up most of the doppelgangers.

"You're... you're serious, aren't you? You think you're a friend to him? God, he can't even push people away right. It's so hard to be an smartass nowadays..."

Neil can only continue staring in shock as he starts lifting off of the ground. He only struggles for a moment before he stops himself in order to prevent pain.

[sansational]

That look in his eyes is more than just familiar - this scene is, too. It's just something that usually happens to Sans when he's dreaming, which is only increasing his doubts that this is actually happening to either of them, rather than being just another shared dream.

It's disquieting, to meet someone else who's as corrosively and elaborately hateful towards himself. Sans can't help but think back on some of the things he's literally beaten into himself, in dreams. 'what good are you, what's the point of you when you don't even deserve to be alive. you pathetic failure of an experiment, you're empty inside and your bones just don't know it yet...'

"did i stutter?" It makes him sick to think back to those dreams, especially when they're sometimes some of the less horrifying dreams he's had to face this week. But Sans grits his teeth, and forces himself to keep his eyes on the real Neil.

"easy, pal. you're a pretty tall guy and i'm a pretty small skeleton. this is just to make sure i don't knock you in the head until we get you somewhere to lay down. i'm not gonna drop you." The likely source of the trick is visible as a soft blue and white glow emanating from Sans' chest, where the heart might be in something that had a heart. Both his hands are held out straight in front of him, shaking just a bit with the effort of holding Neil up. But he slowly turns them in midair, and Neil will feel his position adjusted, too, until he's at least not flopping about quite so helplessly. "c'mon. humans like flying, right?"

[dr_awesome]

It's not normally something that should be happening in reality. Even if Watts did experience something like this, it should have been a glitch in memory constructs. It was all an illusion, easily combated by unplugging himself from the system. Bad dreams were common too, but he could wake up from those.

It's a lot harder to wake up from something like this, when your body and mind are so actively rebelling against you and bringing all your internalized hate into reality, or whatever this reality is. It's supposed to be real life, but Watts still experiences moments of doubt when he looks at himself and realizes he's being levitated by his weird lab partner who also happens to be a skeleton.

"He's turning out to be even more of a joke. A terminally ill nerd and a skeleton walk into a bar... something like that, anyways. Guess that makes sense. You don't have a stomach, so you can't get sick of his bullshit!"

There's a chorus of laughter from the clones, but Watts is ignoring them, more focused on the odd glowing around Sans' heart, paying attention to any indication that the strain might be too much and Sans will drop him. "Sure. Humans like flying."

[sansational]

For now, Sans seems stable. When he turns towards the door of the lounge and starts towards it, Neil will find himself being towed along after the skeleton like a balloon on a line. A thought occurs to him when he's just about to step out into the hallway, one that probably should have come to him before. He glances back at his friend.

"is your fan club gonna follow us? is there something i can do to make 'em take a break?" If Neil normally had this ability, Sans has to think he would have showed it off before. He must have done something - probably some sort of science experiment. And one much less fun than cooking up ketchup.

Sans is still out of his depth in a lot of this, but he also can't help but pay attention to certain things. Terminally ill...

[dr_awesome]

This could possibly be humiliating, being dragged along like this, but considering the pain Watts is in, he's not really focused on how odd his position must look. Besides that, what's more concerning is the question. Will the data projections follow him? He should be able to make them appear and disappear at will. Are these ones appearing due to his pain making him lose control, or due to some other strange quality of the castle?

He offers a sort of shrug as a response to his own questions as well as Sans'. "Hopefully they won't, if I can... focus now. But even if I can't, they shoouldn't see a point in following... uh, fingers crossed."

[sansational]

"hm." Neil's answer is not encouraging, especially since he doesn't really seem capable of focusing right now. But Sans still glances back and holds up two crossed fingerbones. "yep. fingers crossed." And he takes a deep breath as he steps out into the hall, already subconsciously bracing himself. When nothing immediately bad happens, he just tries to keep Neil focusing. Sans glances up and down the hallway they've found themselves in, scratching anxiously at his skull. "where was your room again?"

[dr_awesome]

There's still the sound of voices from behind them, but they don't seem to be getting any closer, just arguing amongst themselves. Neil breathes out a slightly relieved sigh and tries to gesture to the right.

"Down at the end of the hall."

Considering the mess his room usually is, it shouldn't be too hard to point out.

[sansational]

"on we go."

He floats Neil down to the end of the hall and, indeed, it only takes two open doors for him to spot the room beyond that is undoubtedly Neil's. And even if it isn't, he should feel right at home there for now anyway. Sans carefully directs Neil over the pile of assorted detritus, over the mattress, and lowers him down before letting him drop the last inch or so.

It wasn't too much of a walk, but Neil is a heavier weight than Sans is used to carrying. So perhaps he can be forgiven for following Neil into the room and hopping up to sit on the mattress with him, the better to catch his breath.

[dr_awesome]

It looks like his room, as much as Neil can see through his blurry vision, and that's all that really matters. Frankly, he could sleep just about anywhere after the mess that just occurred.

He can't help a shuddering gasp when he's dropped, but thankfully, landing on a soft mattress doesn't agitate his condition further. He exhales slowly, turning his head to look over at his... friend. That's still going to take some getting used to.

"...sorry. Didn't mean to make you exercise. Know how much you hate that..."

[sansational]

"no worries. i think i owed you one anyway." He waves a hand dismissively. "we'll just call it even." He tends to collect a lot of favors, but Sans isn't one to really ever call them in.

Then Sans narrows his eyesockets thoughtfully, trying to take a proper look at Neil now that they're both somewhere quiet. Terminally ill. By definition, there is next to nothing he can do about that...but there's also no denying that the human looks utterly miserable, and he wants to try.

"you want something to drink? lemme grab ya something to drink. be right back." And without giving Neil more than a few seconds to even think of arguing, Sans vanishes from the bedside. He'll be gone for a little over thirty seconds before there's a sound like a soft "whoosh" from outside, and Sans pads back into the room with a cup in hand. He carefully gets back up onto the bed and offers it to Neil, though he braces himself to hold it steady should it become necessary.

[dr_awesome]

"Doesn't exactly seem like the same thing." Helping Sans with experiments was weird, but simple enough with his education. It was almost enough to stave off homesickness. Working in a makeshift lab was sort of like being in Sigmund again. It was fun... and Watts is pretty sure 'fun' isn't the word you'd use to describe carrying a dying man away from projections of his self-hatred.

Neil probably wouldn't have argued with a drink anyways, so he's about halfway through nodding when Sans is just... gone. Oh. Okay. Apparently he can do more than teleport a couple of feet. Weird. Neil would usually be a overexcited ball of energy when Sans reappeared, in the same fashion as a certain yellow lizard when on the topic of human girls with cat ears, but with how exhausted he is, he just smiles slightly.

The cup is taken between shaky hands, but he can hold it steady enough to take a sip. The water tastes mildly metallic, but that's probably thanks to the blood. He holds back another cough, passing the cup back over before wiping the remainder of blood away from his mouth with his already stained sleeve. He makes a face, but says nothing.

[sansational]

Sans takes the cup and sets it carefully on the bedside table. A quick glance inside is enough to verify that any metallic taste is, indeed, from Neil's blood. He makes a face - yuck.

"there are a few people in the castle who can heal. unfortunately, i'm not one of 'em." A fact that he regrets more and more by the day. "maybe they can at least take the edge off the pain. how were you keeping it quiet before?" comparing what he knows now to what he'd seen and hadn't thought about before, it seems obvious that Neil isn't just recently sick.

[dr_awesome]

"...don't suppose the 'ran into a wall' excuse isn't going to work, huh?" Not that it worked for Eva. Neil looks down at his hands, swallows down that uncomfortable wave of nausea, and just takes a few deep breaths for a moment.

It's hard to breathe now. It was so much easier when he had those stupid pills...

He roots in one of his labcoat pockets and pulls out a smooth, plastic container. Its transparency makes it easy to tell, there's nothing inside, but there is a label on the bottle:

"Watts, Neil. Take 1 capsule as needed. Tramadol." And so on. He passes it over to Sans, silent as he reads over the label.

"...I ran out earlier this week. Looks like my usual symptoms are being complicated by my withdrawal symptoms. Isn't that just peachy?"

He pauses again, unsure if he really wants to keep this conversation going, but he knows a fellow scientific mind can't just let something stay unanswered. He's caught now.

"Anyways, this isn't something you can heal, so.'

[sansational]

"not in the slightest."

He reaches out to take the bottle, holds it up to the light to squint at the label. Medicine of this sort isn't terribly common in the Underground - it can't be, they don't have the resources to make it and can't rely on enough of a supply falling down through the waterfalls to even replicate most forms of drugs. Magic makes up a lot of the difference, but not everything. But the purpose of what used to be in this little bottle isn't hard to guess.

"damn."

But Sans isn't about to let this go unanswered, and he's already trying to make out anything that might look like an ingredient list when Neil speaks again. Sans frowns stubbornly, but doesn't reply right away.

"gotta be a way we can replicate the effects."

[dr_awesome]

He could always give a proper answer if Sans really wanted it, but it's not hard to understand from the label on the bottle. Even without human medicine, the idea of painkillers must be common knowledge, right?

The ingredient list is in small print on the back. Tramadol hydrochloride, starch, microcrystalline cellulose, magnesium stearate, iron oxide, titanium dioxide, indigo carmine... It would look complicated to anyone else, but to someone scientifically trained, it's just the actual medicine plus various dyes to form the capsule. Watts isn't sure if Sans will be able to tell, though.

"I don't know. Might be hard to replicate the crippling addiction, you know?"

...That's a joke, he swears.

[sansational]

Sans knows enough of the ingredient list to know that the important bits are not easily replicateable here in the castle. If he could make something like tramadol hydrochloride, he could also make something like the stasis fluid that S-4 and Sans-Serif both by rights need to grow properly. Then again, with three people in need of serious medical intervention, maybe that should be his cue to step up his efforts again.

...Sans isn't sure he likes the thought of that. Getting too deep into science almost killed him last time, and it might still kill him now. But it's something to keep in mind. If he could just get his hands on the base component, the hydrochloride part shouldn't be as complicated and the actual reaction should be pretty standard and he can at least recognize which components are supposed to be the dye...

"mind if i hold on to this?"

He glances over at Neil, and...that doesn't sound like a joke. Not at all. In fact, it gets the rarest possible response it is possible to get from Sans where even the base attempt at a joke is concerned.

"not funny, pal."

[dr_awesome]

It's not. Watts would have tried, but he's not a pharmacist, and he doubts his data manipulation will be able to be that delicately balanced. Plus, he doubts they'd actually have an effect... data is just data. There's no way it's real, no matter what Frisk thought.

But he can see the gears turning in Sans' skull, and that means at least someone might have a shot. He's not sure he wants Sans to try either, but... hey, if Watts can reprise his role as lab partner, it shouldn't be that bad.

He waves a hand, and is about to respond that Sans can keep it if he wants, when the skeleton actually gets... upset for a second. Immediately, Watts backtracks, not wanting a repeat of the party.

"It was supposed to be a joke! God, I'm sorry, I won't say it again-"

He cuts himself off with another fit of coughing. He shouldn't have gotten so excitable when he still hasn't had anything for his pain, is still in as bad a condition as before. Maybe even worse; the coughing is turning into retching, as sweat beads on Neil's forehead.

[sansational]

Sans immediately feels guilty when Neil dissolves into another coughing fit. This is hard for him, but clearly infinitely more miserable for Neil. Trying to correct the human's sense of humor can come later. For now, he just moves a little nearer, reaches out to brace a bony hand against Neil's back to maybe make the coughing fit a little easier. When his face starts to shine with sweat, Sans even reaches out with a corner of his jacket to try and dab it away. As he does so, he thinks over his options.

His first thought, of course, is Tauriel - but her magic seems most effective on monsters. He needs someone who knows the plants out in the garden better than he does, and...aha. Sans smiles in relief even as he mentally kicks himself. What an idiot he can be, sometimes.

First, he tries to help Neil drink a little more water, and then he lays out his plan. "think i know who can help for now. you gonna be okay on your own for a little bit?" The gardens are a very big place, after all, and even Sans might have to search a bit to find her.

[dr_awesome]

It's... really weird, having someone nearby when he's like this. Neil's used to being alone on his bad days, riding out symptoms on his own. He hardly even goes to emergency nowadays: that would mean calling someone to take him to the hospital. Pointless.

Having someone watch and wait for his fits to subside, to even bother to touch him or wipe the sweat away, to even try to help considering the long years he's spent perfecting his facade of apathetic asshole, it's more kindness than he deserves. More kindness than he really wants. It's alien and uncomfortable and panic-inducing, and part of him would bolt out of the room if he could, but he knows Sans would catch up to him damn quick. So he just struggles through it, forces himself to breathe and then take the offered water (Sans has to hold the cup, and Neil tries not to feel like a pathetic child).

"Yeah. Everything's alright. Seriously, I just need some rest now." If he can get any... insomnia is one of the withdrawal symptoms, and he's been a night owl at the best of times.

[sansational]

Sans actually thinks that he believes that - or at least, he hopes that Neil is telling the truth. But he equally doubts that the human will be capable of getting much rest like this, no matter how much good it might do. And Sans can dab at his face from now until sundown, but he can't do anything to help with that.

He can, however, find someone who can do more.

"yeah, well. let's see if we can get you that rest." He reaches out to pat Neil on the shoulder, and then he disappears. And if Neil thinks that Sans' rather fumbling attempts at care are awkward, then his day is about to get even worse.

Because Sans reappears in the gardens, and immediately sets off in search of Grune.

[lostinmyway]

Grune is, as usual, weeding. Everything is so healthy here--it makes her so happy! But that means the weeds are healthy, too.

As she works, not far from the centre of the gardens, she hums a happy little tune to herself.

[sansational]

Fortunately, Sans thinks to check the center of the garden first, so he's not looking for too long. He hears her humming before he sees her, but still lets out a sigh of relief as she comes into view. His shoulders visibly slump with it.

"hey, uh...hey, grune." He offers her a wave to try and get her attention, trying not to actively look as anxious as he currently feels. "can i borrow you for a bit?"