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[personal profile] systematicsupport posting in [community profile] castle_perrault
It's been quite the stressful week for most of the castle's inhabitants. S-4 wasn't any different. With losing Frisk, fighting with Sans-Serif not to take any souls, struggling with the overwhelming emotions the funeral brought up, and then trying to deal with his dear friend's return as well as attempting to take care of his siblings (even Sans, despite him holing himself up in some mysterious room in the castle with that weird human), S-4 was a bit exhausted. But he wasn't about to sleep without a bedtime story.

Sans was too busy, so S-4 didn't want to bother him by asking. Sans-Serif would have helped, but he was still learning to read, and S-4 didn't want to frustrate him. It would probably be fine to just read it to himself.

He takes one of the picture books to the lounge, and is slowly flipping through it, a fingerbone pressed to the page underneath the words so he can keep his place.

"Out... came... the baby... bird."

Sophie called him a baby. He knows what that is. And a bird are those singing, flying creatures up in the trees. But the one in this book talks. Maybe only little birds can do that?

"'Where... is my... mother?' he said..."

Now that's a word he doesn't know.

"Mother? Mother... like brother?"

They rhyme, so it must be similar. But what exactly is one? Does he have one?

He's frowning at the book until he realizes someone is watching him read. Usually, he'd have a moment to be embarrassed about being caught like this, but right now, his question is too serious to be ignored for shame.

"What's a mother?"

(no subject)

Date: 2016-02-20 05:44 am (UTC)
sansational: Sans, the lights in his eyes dim from shock (Wounded)
From: [personal profile] sansational
Sans lets out a soft, startled gasp as he's pulled into a hug. He should have expected it, perhaps, but...he doesn't deserve it. And yet among all the many things that have left his bones aching, loneliness is one of them. How could he have ever pulled away from such love? How could he have tried to make himself pretend that he didn't need it, that neither of them needed it?

He really is an idiot, isn't he?

"hehehe." The chuckle is little more than a breathy exhalation, edged with a sob, before Sans reaches up to return the hug the best he can, even if it means moving his bandaged arm a little gingerly. "you really are the best brother." And so it kills him a little to hear S-4 apologizing like he's done anything wrong.

Sans shakes his head stubbornly, and holds his brother tighter. "but that's just it, s-4. you tried to pay attention. you tried to make me rest. i just...didn't let you. i told you that we'd take care of each other, and that i'd always have time for you. but i let myself get tricked by s-some stupid bad dreams. i thought keeping you safe mattered more than m-making you happy, because i thought it was easier. i thought tauriel or grune could do that without me. i lied to you both, i abandoned you both."

His voice breaks and his soul throbs to say the words aloud, but Sans knows that they're true. The one thing he was always determined to get right, and he failed his most important person here. Sans grits his teeth, and then makes himself say the words again. "i abandoned you. nothing else should matter but that. i didn't trust you - either of you. i treated sans-serif like he couldn't even control or think for himself. hehehe. i've always been a little hard on myself, but i've never had another me to be hard on instead. i'm...i'm gonna apologize to him, too. you were right, back at the funeral, when you said i shouldn't have restrained him. i'm sorry i didn't say that before."

He'd just been so tired. He was still so tired, but enough was enough.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-02-20 10:15 pm (UTC)
sansational: Sans, collapsed on his knees and overcome with emotion (Overwhelmed)
From: [personal profile] sansational
"i did want to do the right thing. i did have my reasons. but that's just it, s-4." He rests a protective hand against the back of S-4's skull, rubs a hand along his back, and aches to realize that he really does seem to have gotten thinner again. But what Sans has to say next...he has to believe it's important.

"people who have reasons for doing bad things can be some of the most dangerous people of all." They could create two children to be weapons, torture them to the point that one fell down. Sans hadn't been that bad, but...he had been cruel, and that thought scares him. He's only ever been truly cruel once before, but it's as though Chara's presence in the castle has infected and stained him with that cruelty again.

But even he can't blame that human for this. This mistake was all his own.

"i...i can't promise that i won't ever leave you again. this place doesn't always give us that choice." It hadn't with Gaster. Or at least, Sans had to believe that Gaster had somehow been sent away without a choice. The alternative was that his older brother and S-4's creator had willingly abandoned them, too, and the pain of that thought is one he can barely stand. The pain of that loss had certainly helped drive him on to these newfound heights of self-destruction, though. His eyesockets sting at the thought, tears gathering hot and fast. "i would if i could. but...even when you guys do go home, you'll be together. even if he's still asleep there, you know he'll come back. no one should ever have to leave you, s-4. getting left behind isn't something that's ever supposed to happen. it hurts and it's awful and i'm sorry and it's not your fault."

Sniffling and hiccuping a little around the tears falling down his face, Sans pulls away from the hug, just enough to look up into S-4's eyelights, enough to gather the other skeleton's hands up in both of his. Keeping their gazes locked is clearly an effort, as Sans almost trembles with anxiety at what he says next. "s-so, um, so i know i said...i'd try to take care of you like he did. but...for me, gaster's been gone for so long, and i guess i wanted to hold onto him as i remembered him. but i messed everything up. i did it all wrong and i remembered all the wrong things and...is it okay, if i'm not like gaster anymore? is it okay...if i'm just sans?"

If he's not strong and smart and just stays here with his brother instead? Sans feels as though being himself is something worthless and small, feels as though he can only ever be "just" Sans. But it's a comfortable place to be, if nothing else. He can probably at least get bedtime stories right again.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-02-21 09:44 am (UTC)
sansational: Sans, sitting back and at ease with life for the moment (Stick with me kid)
From: [personal profile] sansational
It's everything that Sans had suspected that S-4 might be feeling, but it's one thing to suspect and quite another to hear an admission of such pain come tumbling out of his brother, so fast that the words almost can't keep up with it. But S-4 has listened so patiently to him, and now Sans returns the favor. He sits and holds his brother's hands as long as S-4 will allow him, nodding along every so often in agreement and sympathy.

And S-4 probably doesn't think anything at all of what he says next. It probably seems so simple to him. It should have seemed so simple to Sans. But to hear his brother say that he wanted Sans, that Sans was enough...it makes Sans smile, weak but heartfelt, to hear and finally fully understand the truth of those words.

When S-4 seems to be done speaking, Sans leans up and forward, for the sake of nudging his forehead against the other's. "i'm sorry. i've been stupid. and also dumb." Sans can be very much not-smart, sometimes.

"...want to know a secret, s-4? i'd kind of like it if i could just...stay here with you guys, forever." What does he have to go home to, anyway? Even as much as he's come to care about Frisk, he'd rather stay here in this castle with S-4 and Sans-Serif forever, rather than bank on the nebulous hope that his timeline might cross with the kid's again. "i was happy, just being with you and him, too. you guys are my family." As much as Papyrus was.

But if he'd let himself believe that S-4's happiness wasn't as important in the grand scheme of things, Sans had hardly been about to consider his own.

"so...so it's okay, for me to try again? you want to forgive me?" Sans settles back down into a proper sitting position on the couch. He's well aware that S-4 is capable of forgiving him. He even knows that the other skeleton probably already has. He just wants to be sure that it's something S-4 wants to do, rather than something he believes he has to. "i...i want to be here with you, too, y'know?" He's sorry he forgot that.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-02-23 03:03 am (UTC)
sansational: Sans, caught in a moment of sympathy (Nothing to worry about)
From: [personal profile] sansational
Sans leans forward conspiratorially when S-4 offers a secret of his own. Then he smiles reassuringly to hear it, reaching up to rub S-4 affectionately on the top of his skull. "it's not selfish, s-4. you guys have had a hard life. no one should tell you otherwise. and it's not bad, that you don't want to fight. the good news is that, when it finally comes time to meet the anomaly back home...you probably won't have to." Because it will either be Frisk, who won't want to. Or it will be Chara, who can't be fought. "and you've probably got at least a few years until they do show up."

And Sans can't pretend that it doesn't hurt, to hear S-4 still thinking of his responsibilities back home in his own time, to be reminded that S-4 still has responsibilities at all. S-4 and Sans-Serif still have their entire lives ahead of them. Sans' life might very possibly be over forever, outside this castle, though it's a mark of how far he's come that he hasn't entirely given up hope. But he's also just become impossibly fond of this version of his brother in his own right.

Really, Sans just can't believe that S-4 doesn't have an important part to play. It seems as though in all the timelines, their fate ultimately comes down to the human - the one with the frying pan or the one with the knife. But he has to believe that the friendship that S-4 can offer, the light in his soul, can make them all a little more like Frisk. And he has to believe that Sans-Serif will help him hold on to that.

"i'm not upset, if you want to go home. you two are still going to get out of that lab one day." The timelines always have constants. Sans and Papyrus, whatever they call themselves, are always there in Snowdin to meet the human. It's what happens next where things get...potentially awful.

But he can't even entertain the idea of these two growing up only to meet Chara. He can't. Some thoughts are, it turns out, just that bit too awful for Sans to keep in his head. He already knows that their version of Gaster is doomed, as they all are. That's too much loss too early in life.

For a moment, Sans' voice is just as it is when he's telling them a bedtime story, soft and careful and heartfelt. Without even realizing it, howeve,r his smile is witful and sad, almost longing. This is the most he's thought about his own place in the Underground in a while. "you're going to make new friends, and have your own house. heck, you'll get to eat real monster food." He laughs a little, and it at least sounds as though it doesn't hurt as much anymore. "man, i miss the food from home. but...while you're here..." He gathers up his brother's hands in both of his once more, squeezing gently. "...we'll be just like before."

While they're here, there will be nothing more important to him than making sure these two babybones are happy. That has to be more worthwhile than any other potential experiment he can come up with. "so i'm thinking maybe i can just...sit here with you for now, try to grab a nap, maybe help you with some of the harder words in the meantime?" He doesn't want to take the book away form S-4 or read to him just yet. He really has made some progress.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-03-11 07:13 am (UTC)
sansational: Sans, taking advantage of the chance to drive Papyrus a little crazy with puns (Am I right?)
From: [personal profile] sansational
"it's okay to not know what you want. that's...that's just a part of life. a part of being free. and...it's okay to want to be friends. it's okay to just want friends. friends are great. and you're great."

And he doesn't think it's silly, for S-4 to want friends even when life has already been so cruel to him. Sans thinks it's cool. Sans thinks it's wonderful. He wants so much to be friends with S-4, and he's so, so grateful to have not lost his chance.

Sans is still worried. But now that he's actually here in his brother's company, it's easier to take a deep breath. To remind himself to start small. To just try and remember how to simply be with someone he cares about again, and that his company can be enough.

"cool. but seriously, give me a nudge if you hit one of harder words, okay? sleep is still likely to be kind of a work in process for me, for a while. you won't be interrupting anything important."

With that reassurance offered, Sans moves to fold his arms on the armrest of the couch, the better to lay his head down on them and close his eyes. Though he doesn't quite manage this without a wince, as his bandaged arm twinges at the slightly-too-sudden movement.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-03-17 05:47 pm (UTC)
sansational: Sans, head bowed and eyes hidden by his hood (Seen Enough)
From: [personal profile] sansational
Sans goes entirely still when he feels S-4 moving closer to him. He has to resist the urge to flinch again when his brother touches him. Too late, he realizes the mistake he'd made, he realizes that he'd slipped up at exactly the last minute. In the privacy of his own skull, Sans calls himself a few rather unpleasant names.

For a moment, he considers brushing off the question again. It's nothing, he just moved wrong, he's sore from working so hard, he's okay...

...the words are already lining up in his mouth, and with a supreme effort of will, Sans clenches his teeth tightly until he's sure they've been well and truly held back. Only then does he look up at his brother with an apologetic smile, moving to safely cradle the injured arm against his chest.

"i know you're tired. and it's not like this is, um, that important of a thing," He's stomached the pain for over three days already, now. If it's going to kill him, it's not going to happen soon. "but, uh...when you're feeling up to it..." He sighs softly, bowing his head and staring down at his lap in embarrassment. "...i think i need some healing."

That is probably an understatement at this point, and even Sans knows it. But for now, he simply sits back against the chair instead, and gingerly goes to work rolling up the sleeve covering his injured arm. The humerus beneath has been neatly bandaged with gauze and tape, freshly changed this morning in what has already become a habit. Sans stares at it, so that he doesn't have to look up at S-4. Even so, despite his casual words, his expression remains faintly troubled despite himself. It's the first time in a while he's stopped to consider this as a wound that could even possibly be healed, and that is one more sobering thought among many.

"...sorry," he murmurs. "i know you're tired. didn't wanna bother you with this until later."

But no one ever said that honesty was easy, he supposes.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-04-03 04:43 pm (UTC)
sansational: Sans, sitting back and at ease with life for the moment (Stick with me kid)
From: [personal profile] sansational
Sans does wince, at first, when S-4 takes his arm. But he also makes no move to pull away, because he trusts that the pain is temporary. He trusts wholeheartedly now that S-4 will be able to heal him.

Sure enough, scant seconds later, he feels that familiar warm rush spread from the site of the wound, all up and down his arm, and then all throughout his body to suffuse the rest of his bones. From there, S-4 will see no sign of pain on Sans' face. All he'll see is an expression of heartfelt relief, even if Sans keeps his eyesockets closed until S-4 is done. Tension is bleeding out of Sans that he'd grown so used to that he'd forgotten was even there.

When S-4 pulls away, Sans immediately moves to unwrap the bandage. The sight revealed beneath is an entirely unsurprising one. Where scant seconds before there was a neat but painful hairline fracture, now only whole and undamaged bone remains. Sans regards his arm with a shaky smile for a moment, and then he slumps back heavily against the couch with a long sigh of relief.

"wow..." He chuckles, a little shakily, lifting up a hand to rest over his eyesockets. "wow, i forgot how good that feels. thanks, bro."

(no subject)

Date: 2016-04-06 02:45 am (UTC)
sansational: Sans with his eyes closed, patiently explaining a bad situation (Explanations explanations explations)
From: [personal profile] sansational
Sans replies by leaning comfortably against his brother's side. He even moves to draw one of S-4's arms around his shoulder, snuggling against him a little to get comfortable now that he can do this without pain. "nope. i mean, it did, but...it's all good now."

Except it isn't. Not yet. Even if the surface damage has been fixed, Sans can't ignore the fact that "other" side-effects might not be so quick to fade.

...S-4 has to know. However hard it is, however much Sans doesn't want to think about what could happen, S-4 deserves to know.

His smile fades into a troubled, almost afraid sort of frown. Sans draws S-4's arm a little more tightly around himself. "...i should, uh," he begins. His voice falters, and he has to take a deep breath before he can try again. "i should probably tell you what i did to myself, to get hurt like that. i mean, um...i have to tell you." He picks anxiously at his sleeve. "just in case. it's...it's about some of what i was trying to do, in my lab."

(no subject)

Date: 2016-04-08 05:15 pm (UTC)
sansational: Sans, visibly exhausted and collapsed on the floor in despair (So tired of everything)
From: [personal profile] sansational
"it...it might not be a matter of me getting hurt, s-4." At least, not in a way that his brother could heal. "it might be a matter of me...hurting other people." Especially Frisk. The thought of that happening, so soon after he'd thought that Frisk was gone forever, makes Sans feel physically sick.

But that's why S-4 has to know. That's why a few others have to know, too, but it's easiest to start with his brother.

"i told you a little bit about how i got my powers, r-right? that gaster was my brother, and the two of us worked together to try and find a way to stop the anomaly? well, i mean, it...it basically worked. as well as could be expected. eventually. but, uh...not without some problems." He winces at how much of an understatement that is, but Sans' memories of that time are still quite hazy, so what else can he do?

"over the past few days, i, um...i tried to replicate some of the things gaster did to me. to try and make myself even stronger, y'know? even though that's, that's what made me change into that thing in the first place. i thought i fixed where we went wrong. for a while, i was sure i did. but..." He lifts his previously-wounded arm, staring pensively at the neatly-healed bones. It should have healed without S-4's help. It hadn't.

"...now, i don't know. it might be nothing. it might be okay. but in case it's not...you should know."

(no subject)

Date: 2016-04-11 09:16 pm (UTC)
sansational: Sans, collapsed on his knees and overcome with emotion (Overwhelmed)
From: [personal profile] sansational
"hey." Sans very carefully doesn't frown, just keeps his expression one of utter concern. He reaches out to stroke a hand soothingly over the top of S-4's skull, and manages to meet his brother's eyelights without flinching. "it isn't your fault, s-4. none of this is. you tried to help me. i wouldn't let you. you...you can try as hard as you can to help people, you can want to help them with all your soul. but sometimes...people don't want to be helped. i didn't, for...for a while." He'd thought it would be easier that way. He'd thought he would be stronger that way. He'd been an idiot, and S-4 had suffered for it.

And now that he's offered the necessary reassurances, staying strong becomes a good deal harder. Sans knows what he's building towards saying next. S-4 needs to know what happened, doesn't he? He needs to know what a mess Sans is capable of being, what sort of monster is nevertheless going to try and take care of him and Sans-Serif. But just the idea of admitting how badly off he'd been, how far he'd almost fallen, seems equal parts terrifying and shameful.

His hands shake a little, clenching tightly in the fabric of S-4's shirt. Sans takes several deep breaths, even as tears start to gather anew in his eyesockets.

"but...but i do, now. i know i need help, now." There's a note of pleading in his voice, as though to beg S-4 to accept the sincerity in his voice. "i almost...god, s-4, i almost..." Sans' voice fails him with a whimper. He'd had the point driven home with merciless clarity that his own innate tendency towards self-destruction didn't just affect him, anymore. He'd gotten so angry and he hadn't thought and Frisk had almost...Sans had almost...

There's no keeping hold of his composure, and so Sans stops trying. He just wraps his arms tightly around S-4, presses his face against his brother's ribcage, and tells the rest of the story in as brutally a succinct fashion as he can. "followed frisk when they went to talk to chara. got angry. tried to kill chara again. they saw me coming. took frisk hostage. said...said they'd let 'em go if i..."

And then he sobs. "...i almost shot myself, bro. they told me to, and...and i almost did it and i would have if frisk hadn't made a break for it and i'm still so scared that chara's going to find someone else..." He can't go back to living like he had before. He doesn't know how he can even keep getting up every day with that demon in the castle with his brothers and his friends. Everything ended the last time Chara appeared.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-04-18 06:47 am (UTC)
sansational: Sans, collapsed on his knees and overcome with emotion (Overwhelmed)
From: [personal profile] sansational
Sans has never had the misfortune to hear that tone of S-4's voice, to feel that rush of power. But it's easy enough to guess what it is, and what those feelings are born from. Panic chases away those memories of guilt and despair, all in a rush.

"No, S-4." He reaches back to grab his brother's hands, squeezing them tightly, as though to physically hold S-4 back from listening to the conditioning. And he answers that power with just an edge of his own, just for the sake of making sure his brother listens to the desperate plea that follows. "you need to listen to frisk, now more than ever. i didn't, and that was my mistake." A mistake that had ended in a disaster that almost became a worse disaster, for all of them. "i almost left you alone, i almost left frisk defenseless, and that was one of the biggest mistakes i have ever made. i'm telling you this so you don't ever make those same mistakes." And so he could truly believe that S-4 had forgiven Sans for making them at all.

It is perhaps a very unfair thing that Sans says next, but desperation can drive people on to unfair heights. At the least, he can't imagine that Sans-Serif would say anything differently. Tauriel had argued much the same to him, when Sans had still been so low. "if...if not for your sake, then for mine. frisk died, and so much stopped mattering. chara didn't even remember who papyrus was, and...and i didn't even realize i'd attacked them until they grabbed frisk. if i lost you, too..."

...well. Sans knows that at least he wouldn't have to live with the loss for too long. Just the thought of it makes him want to curl up into a ball and sob. If that actually happened...he would doubtless turn to dust on the spot.

"...that is one thing you can always do for me, s-4. for me and sans-serif. take care of yourself." Because so many people here care about him. "i just...i'm so sorry i'm such a mess, s-4. you deserve better. both of you do. and as long as you're okay, i know nothing is really hopeless."

(no subject)

Date: 2016-04-30 05:01 am (UTC)
sansational: Sans, collapsed on his knees and overcome with emotion (Overwhelmed)
From: [personal profile] sansational
The words, open and sincere as they are even around heartbroken sobs, get past all of Sans' defenses in a way that only Chara's knife had ever been able to manage before now. For a moment, they leave Sans feeling just as cut open...then he takes a deep, shuddering breath, and the world seems a little brighter. Even Sans, mired down in his own grief and fear, can't help but believe these words.

Tears gather thick and fast in his eyesockets as well, fueled by sympathy and exhaustion and too much emotion. But he manages to force out words that he knows now he should have said so much more often before this. "i am happy when i'm with you."

As long as S-4 is here, everything is at least just a little all right. And...and if Sans can believe that he's done even a bit of that good for the other skeleton...then he hasn't messed up irreparably yet, and smiles tentatively to realize it. There's even something like hope inhss one.

"there. there, you see? no more secrets. you...you know everything, bro." That was a terrifying thought, but as he looked up at this skeleton who was as much his brother as Papyrus was, Sans found that he couldn't regret the decision. Whether it was the freedom of flying or falling, he still felt freer. "and i'm glad you do. i'm glad i told you." Sans was babbling now, stumbling over his own words, and he was still crying as well. But he was also smiling, and it didn't look like it hurt. "now...now i can really start over. because of that. because of you. thank you, s-4." Two small words like that can't possibly begin to express the gratitude and love Sans feels for S-4, but he tries his best.

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