Don't Worry (I'm Sorry) [Backdated to December 1st]

[jakeyd]

[It's kind of funny, in a sad, ironic way. Once Jake caught wind of people calling him 'the most popular guy in school' he figured he'd never have to worry about being left out of a group again. Yet, here he was: feeling completely out of place with his friends and hiding from them. Not that it wasn't one hundred percent his own damn fault, mister 'noticing his romantic feelings for his friends too late so now they're dating', it just sucked. He really wishes he hadn't noticed at all, so that he could still hang out with them without it hurting; and without the ever looming risk that he would say something dumb and awkward to one of them again. Rich must have been so uncomfortable when Jake slipped and called his freckles cute, ugh.

"You could always let me take over for a while."]

No. No way. We've talked about this already.

["Yes but, honey, it's still the simplest solution! Isn't getting to 'hang' with your friends worry-free worthy of accepting just a teensy amount of my help?" The voice of Jake's absentee mother asks, the strange digital tint to it reminding him with every word that his real mom had ditched him. He sighs, irritated, as he reaches up to rub a particular spot behind his ear.]

Last time you 'helped' you broke my legs worse than they already were. I'm good.
["Sweetheart, you know those were special circumstances-] Look.

Just because I'm talking to you doesn't mean I don't still hate you. I'm not gonna trust the creepy robots that hurt me and my friends, ever. So you can go back to telling me how to fold paper into little animals or you can shut up. [Jake gestures to the half finished origami on the table surrounded by little cranes and a few lopsided paper dogs as he awaits a response.

"If you insist."]

Good.

[He's not exactly sure where along the course of the passed month or so he'd begun talking to his SQUIP again. It had started out small, accidentally listening to her tips on staying out of trouble with Rich and Micheal. Little reminders not to let them catch onto the feelings he himself hadn't noticed in time. 'Don't say that out loud', 'Straying into flirtatious territory there, aren't we?'; more and more until Jake realized he was talking to her more than his friends. Not to mention, spending more time 'alone' than with them. But it was fine, he told himself--he had things under control. He wasn't really listening to her advice, and he still didn't trust her. He just wanted someone to talk to, that's all. Someone that could help him kill the boredom. The only easily accessible 'person' from home that he wasn't in love with. Wait, no, that's wrong. Not love, crushes. They had to be 'just silly crushes', or...or when would he ever be able to face them again? He's not Micheal, he can't hide this shit well enough to fool anyone. He'd only barely managed to hold it together when his parents left, and even then Rich had noticed something off pretty quickly. Hell, Rich had probably noticed something off before he'd ever started hiding from them. How freaked out must those two be by now?
He's a terrible person for running like this, but the only alternatives he can think of are worse.

Jake suddenly allows his head to drop down onto the table with a thud, crushing the little paper dog he'd been working on. Fuck everything.]

Comments

[notsogrimreaper]

You know, these usually stand up a little better if you fold the legs like this...

[When Jake looks up, he'll find Ryoji sitting across from him, tongue slightly stuck out as he folds up a piece of colorful paper. He makes sure to hold it out so Jake can see the folds he makes for the legs before he finishes up and sets his little dog down on the table with a small smile. The dog stays perched on the table as he laughs.]

Of course, it'd probably work even better if we had actual origami paper...

[He trails off, still looking at Jake, his smile a little sad. He's not going to bring up the talking to himself, even if he's more than a little worried about the 'broke my legs' comment. He'll wait until Jake is ready to talk about that. But that doesn't mean he's not going to try to prompt some conversation.]

I'm surprised. Usually I see you with Rich, or that other boy with the glasses... are they busy?

[jakeyd]

[He freezes up at first, watching silently as Ryoji creates a proper paper dog and panicking about how much he'd heard of Jake's little 'conversation with himself'. When it doesn't come up, Jake eases up a bit; but only a bit. They were still talking about the friends he was hiding from, and he immediately drops eye contact to look at Ryoji's canine creation. It looks a lot better than his do.]

Oh, uh. Yeah, they're... [Jake starts attempting to imitate Ryoji's folding process on a fresh piece of paper. Something to get the nervous energy out.]

They pretty much started dating as soon as Micheal got here, so I'm just, y'know...giving the new couple their space! Trying to decorate my room but, uh... [He pokes Ryoji's paper dog gently.]

Obviously not this good at it yet. I think I got the birds down?

[notsogrimreaper]

[Ryoji's smile is a bit more apologetic as he notices how much Jake panics. He obviously thought he was alone, and wanted to keep it that way. He'll leave him alone soon... so long as Ryoji can make sure he's going to be okay.]

It's alright. It took a lot of practice for me to be good at it myself. And your cranes look very nice.

[He hesitates for just a moment.]

You know, you can still spend time with your friends even if they happen to be dating. I think they'd be lonely if you gave them space. Especially considering how close they seem to be to you.

[jakey_d]

I helped make a thousand of them for a club project, so I've actually had some practice with cranes.

[His folding slows down as Micheal and Rich are brought up again. Ryoji was a good guy worrying about the three of them like this, but...

"They're fine without a third wheel hanging around all the time."]

They're fine without a third wheel hanging around all the time.
I kinda fucked some stuff up with them, anyway. Pretty sure Rich is still pissed.

[That wasn't entirely true, but it made a good excuse. Jake keeps his eyes down the whole time, pretending to focus on making a less lopsided dog.]

[notsogrimreaper]

That sounds like a sweet project! You know you get a wish granted if you fold a thousand of them.

[Ryoji frowns as Jake mentions being a third wheel, and it only deepens as he continues on.]

I don't think you're a third wheel. Why would Rich be upset with you?

[jakeyd]

Really? That's pretty cool. [Normally he would think of it as a myth; some cool cultural fable from the east. But considering where they were, and what Jake had seen here? Maybe folding enough little paper birds really could create some form of magic.

Maybe he could try it to wish these inconvenient feelings away.]

Is that one of those things you have to do yourself, or does it still count as a group?

[Do these things expire? Even if they don't he might have already used up his first wish saving Rich from the fire. Oh, right. The fire.
Jake unconsciously shifts back in his chair and pulls his arms in a bit, physically withdrawing the only way available to him.]

Uh, it's kinda a long story? I guess the short version is...that I almost got them killed.

[notsogrimreaper]

[Ryoji is confident in his abilities. He was even before he came here, but then again, his world had actual magic. He knows very well about the power of one's determination to make dreams reality.]

Mm, I don't know! I think it should count as a group too. That means you have a wish sitting in reserve, right?

[He notes the way Jake seems to retreat in on himself. Pretty strange for a young, confident, obviously popular-looking teenager. But... well, everyone has inner demons, don't they?

His expression is even more sympathetic.]

I'm sure you didn't do that. But if you'd like to tell the long story, I'm all ears.

[twoplayergay]

[Nothing had gone right. Nothing since that wonderful, unbelievable moment Michael had fallen ass-backwards into dating Rich, somehow. That had been such a high point, so amazingly awesome, that if he had been a pessimist like Jeremy he would have been sure tragedy was soon to follow.

Jeremy would have been right.

First the fire, and that whole disaster. He hadn't gone a week without a panic attack since then. What he wouldn't fucking give for some weed in this stupid place. But then it had to just keep right on sucking because Jake had to start avoiding them. More and more as time went on until almost a week went by and Michael nor Rich had seen him. Michael is about ready to form a brute squad to go looking for the kid. What if he got himself into mortal danger again?! Nobody in the world has a worse sense of self-preservation!

He's nearly frantic as his search takes him all over the castle, room after room. He stops giving a shit about not scaring Jake off and starts calling his name. He feels a panic attack rising like squeezed-out bile in his chest.]

Jake! Jacob Dillinger! I'm going to have a heart attack and die if you don't at least show your face so I know you're okay! Please!

[He's hoarse and so desperate and scared.

He keeps thinking of Rich, back in their room, crying because he's sure Jake hates him now. He thinks of Jake, the look on his face when he told them all those bullshit excuses. Stony, empty. Not the Jake Michael knew. Not the Jake who encouraged him to be himself, and told him it would be safe to come out, and gave him the rainbow flag patch.

He's wringing his hands in his hoodie.]

Please...

[jakey_d]

[Jake tenses up the second Micheal's clearly distressed voice reaches his ears. Shit. Shit, he hadn't checked in recently; he really is scum. The least he should be doing is letting them know he's alright, but--fuck.

"He's unusually persistent, that one. Best collect yourself, sweetie. Deep breaths."

Jake runs a hand through his hair, taking his SQUIP's advice to breathe slow as he prepares to follow Micheal's voice to it's much-too-close source. How had he caught up, anyway? Jake's desire to stay hidden had been enough so far, what was different today? Not that it mattered. He just had to stand up and go...well, deal with this.

"Just act natural, you'll be fine."

Micheal doesn't take long to find, unfortunately.]

Dude, calm down! I'm right here, are you okay?

[twoplayergay]

[He's about to reach the fever pitch of panic attack that means he's just going to have to sit down and cry and lose his shit when Jake finally appears.

It's a big relief, but not big enough. Michael still feels sick to his stomach and like his words are running away from him in a frantic race to get Jake to come back and for things to be okay.

He can't stop thinking about Rich's face and how awful he looked, thinking Jake hates him.]

Jake.... thank god. No, I'm... I'm not, honestly. I'm worried literally sick about you. Where have you been? What did we do wrong? I'm sorry, maybe it's self-centered but I'm certain I'm the problem. 'Cause you and Rich are best friends, right? I'm the new cog in the watch, I'm the third wheel that ruined the wagon. I never, ever wanted to come between you two! And if that's not what's happening I'm an even worse asshole!

[He drops his face into his hands and tries to breathe.]

[jakeyd]

[As Micheal finishes, Jake starts to reach out to comfort him, only to stop himself the second he realizes what he's doing. He shoves both hands in his jean-pockets instead, retreating a step.]

Shit, dude... [He mutters, scrambling for what to say in order to diffuse the situation. Something good, anything--but not the truth. Maybe the truth? Even if they were both completely freaked out, at least he wouldn't be hurting them anymore. Jake's eyes dart to the left, unconsciously searching for guidance.

"Do you really want to lose two of the best friends you've ever had over this, when you could have waited it out? Blame it on the fire."]

...You guys didn't do anything wrong. [His shoulders tense up as he prepares to deflect the conversation to only half of the problem. He really does suck at lying.]

I'm the one that put both of your lives in danger, aren't you, like...still freaked out by that? Isn't Rich still mad?

[twoplayergay]

[Michael doesn't see the reach and the hesitation, too busy pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes and trying to get some semblance of order back in his brain.

Jake's response is... so surprising. It doesn't really track with what Michael knows of Jake at all. That sobers him a little.]

Dude don't bullshit me. I... I know I'm not exactly coherent right now... I've been. Holding this in, honestly. I'm really freaking out.

[He shakes his head, looking at Jake like he's grown another head.] Are we talking about the same Rich? C'mon bro he forgave you for that instantly. He was only ever just worried! He fuckin thinks you hate him now, dude!