[Open Post, backdated to November 1st] The Rising

[oldmantiger]

 Kotetsu wakes up.

...which is a little surprising, considering he hasn't actually slept in a month.

He wakes up, flat on his back in the gardens. The grass is warm beneath him, the breeze is crisp around him. For a moment, he just enjoys it. Even when memories of the past month start to filter back, he lets himself entertain the idea that it was all just a bad dream. 

But then he remembers the monster. He remembers being...twisted and transformed. He remembers everything he heard, everything he did. And no, there's no way it was all a dream. He's never been that lucky. 

Kotetsu lays a hand against his chest, but...no, there's no denying that whatever Asriel had taken is back where it belongs. Right now, it mostly feels like a heavy weight on his chest. A heavier weight, at least. All of him feels pretty heavy and clumsy now, after a solid month of being insubstantial and invisible.

There are people he needs to see. That knowledge forces its way through to the front of his mind. Kotetsu braces his hands on the ground to try and get up...and immediately gets distracted by the feel of the ground. Such a simple thing that he wants to never, never take for granted again. He laughs out loud to feel it, laughs just to be sure he's not going to sob.

It's been a long month. He kind of wants to get drunk until the next one. But...the grass just feels so nice right now. He's not ready to stand up.

So those of you who are out, about, and reacting to your newly normalized states might come across Kotetsu in the gardens, laying on the ground, pulling up blades of grass a few tufts at a time and watching them be carried away on the breeze. He's smiling like he doesn't have a care in the world.

He has plenty, though, and they eventually become impossible to ignore. So when Kotetsu does get to his feet, he immediately starts running. As he runs, he calls out: "Bunny? Toshi? Where are you?"

Though if he passes by anyone he encountered as a ghost - whether or not they knew he was there - he's definitely going to slow down and hesitate for a moment, wondering what to say. If he should say anything. 

Comments

[oldmantiger]

Even now, Kotetsu didn't entirely expect Toshi to believe him. After all, he's not entirely certain he believes himself. Souls aren't something so literal, right? They're not something you can take like you'd pick a pocket. They're just a metaphor. Just an idea.

Except apparently they're not. Someone took his soul, and left the rest of him behind. Left him to wander and rage and forget. And he still gets to remember all of it. Now he knows what he's like without any of the goodness or the limits. Now he knows what all the dark and broken parts of him look like when they're dragged into the light. And so does everyone else.

The very idea of it, the unfairness of it all, makes him feel like he's teetering on the edge of a very long fall. So Kotetsu doesn't so much let Toshi pull away as find himself unable to stop him doing so. But it also means he wouldn't protest the hug even if he could. He gasps aloud from surprise as much as anything to suddenly find himself enfolded again. He clings back with trembling fingers, burying his face in Toshi's shoulder.

"It's..." It's not okay. "...back now," he finishes instead, awkwardly. The stumbling attempt at a reassurance does nothing to stop the threat of tears. In fact, Toshi will probably be able to feel that they're something more than a threat, now. "It's over now, whatever it was, it's fine."

It's not, and if Toshi isn't showing himself inclined to move, Kotetsu is going to go ahead and take advantage of the chance to be held and the chance to sob. At least for a little bit.

[darkerstripes]

If Toshi hadn't spent so much time at the castle, and around its other residents, he might have had trouble wrapping his mind around this. He wouldn't disbelieve Kotetsu- he would never- but he wouldn't have accepted it so quickly, and moved right on to comforting and being angry. He spent a long time talking with Mettaton about souls, once. He knows more about his own (including that it exists) then he ever expected to know. Of course Kotetsu has one, too. Toshi wonders if they're the same color.

He tries to smother his rage. If he wasn't bend on holding Kotetsu together both literally and figuratively, he would be going out looking for whoever did this and stopping them. Taking someone's soul... that's beyond wrong. And from what Toshi understands, is a way to a power trip.

It isn't fine. It won't be fine for a very long time. But Toshi is patient, and he wants to do right by Kotetsu, right now, So he holds the man tight and close, lifting his head finally so he can pull him in even tighter, leaning his cheek on Kotetsu's hair. He feels the tears falling to his shoulder and loosens the vicegrip enough to rub a soothing hand up and down Kotetsu's back.

As long as he needs to cry for, Toshi is here, and he will say nothing, but occasionally make a soft, soothing sound. Or simply say Kotetsu's name.

[oldmantiger]

Even after such a long and hellish month, Toshi proves to give really, really good hugs. Kotetsu will be impressed by that, once he recovers. For now, he takes the offered refuge from the storm of his own emotions and freshly rekindled self-loathing. It hurts to let himself cry - it's not something he allows often even during those moments when it's necessary - but he knows now that it's that or be left entirely unable to move forward at all. So Kotetsu allows himself this moment of weakness with no one but Toshi here to see it.

It's a good moment, a necessary moment, but Kotetsu does his best to make sure it's a brief one. He doesn't let him lose sight of what's really important about the matter at hand for too long. Just long enough to get his breath back. Just long enough to appreciate that Toshi is here and seems to have forgiven him for...before.

It will probably mean a longer fall and a harder crash later. But that can come later. For now, as soon as he can breathe without sobbing and as soon as he can see without tears, Kotetsu lifts his head from Toshi's shoulder, and makes - not without some reluctance - to step away from his friend's steadying embrace.

"...I need to find Bunny," he says, and speaking his purpose aloud helps straighten his spine once more. "Have you seen him yet, Toshi?"

[darkerstripes]

The secret to giving really good hugs is to desire really good hugs on a basically constant basis. Toshi craves affection and affirmation and positive physical interaction like most other beings crave the air they breathe. It only makes sense that he's able to put such genuine comfort into his own touches. It is at least his constant hope that his little signs of affection are good. He wants those he hugs, or touches in any way, to want to do it again. Especially Kotetsu.

He's being so vulnerable right now. It's not a side of Kotetsu Toshi has seen much. He can count the number of times on one hand. He feels honored to be so trusted, especially by this Kotetsu who hasn't been through hell and back with him, at least not that particular hell. He will cherish this trust that Kotetsu has placed into his care, and hope beyond all hopes that he won't break it this time.

His only comfort when Kotetsu steps away is that it means he isn't crying anymore. Though he could probably stand to let himself be a mess for a little while longer, and though Toshi is more than happy to be here to support him through that, he understands the sense of urgency that cuts Kotetsu off. So he doesn't try to pull him back in, as tempting as that is. He simply rubs a gentle hand on Kotetsu's upper arm. Letting him know in that way that Toshi is still here to support him.

He nods, and then looks away, frowning. "Right. You should. He surely needs you. But I... haven't seen a sign of him anywhere."

[oldmantiger]

And Kotetsu greatly appreciates the reassurance of continued support from Toshi, because his answer makes his stomach roil with dread. It's not an unexpected answer, of course. Logically, he knows that Toshi probably would have told him right away if he'd seen Barnaby. That doesn't make it a good answer to hear.

Okay. Okay focus, Kotetsu. Barnaby has to be around here somewhere. Unless he's not, unless he's gone from this place, but...no, Kotetsu won't let himself believe that. Not yet. He can't.

Barnaby has to be around here somewhere. Probably trying to cope alone like the idiot that he is. They need to find him. Better that they try to find him together.

He squeezes Toshi's hand in a gesture of appreciation, even as Kotetsu looks up and then back down the hallway. "Want to help me look for him?"

[darkerstripes]

If Toshi had seen Barnaby at all, the first thing out of his mouth would have been when, where, and go take care of him immediately please Kotetsu. It isn't a surprise that Toshi hasn't seen him, though. Bunny is a withdrawer- and avoider- when things get rough for him, and Toshi fully suspects that he's part of the problem. Again. It makes perfect sense to him that Barnaby doesn't want to see him, no matter how badly Toshi wants to help him and care for him the way he is for Kotetsu right now.

Toshi forms a small smile as his hand is squeezed. Of course Kotetsu is offering. Protests rise up, and he swallows them back. Kotetsu would argue, and they don't need that right now, none of them. "If you think that's a good idea. He might not be keen to see me, just yet, though. I'd rather you talk to him first, when we find him." There's only the slightest hint in there of the thought that maybe Toshi himself isn't quite ready to face Barnaby, either. Even if he wants to hug it better. It's confusing and complicated.