High in the Tower / They Sit by the Hour

[buttercup_eater]

((trigger warnings for things like suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, and general mental instability. chara is not a happy camper in this.))

At some point after Tauriel locks them up, Chara falls asleep. They don't remember doing so, nor are they sure how long they sleep. All they know is waking up swathed in sheets and a worn blanket, with the light of a sunrise falling across their face.
 

 

The sunlight pisses them off.

 

Everything seems to make them angry at first, even things that they know on a logical level are inconsequential. The bedside stand with the wobbly leg annoys them, so they smash it against the wall. An empty flowerpot kept on the windowsill irritates Chara with its sheer pointless emptiness, so they throw it across the room, where it shatters into hundreds of clay shards. The spare candles in the closet fall to the ground and make an aggravating rattling noise when they roll across the floor after Chara accidentally dislodges them, so they scrape a few against a corner of the room until they're reduced to nothing more than a pile of wax shavings and wicks, then toss the rest out the window in a fit of frustrated impatience.

 

Eventually they run out of things they can easily break, so they work off their constant simmer of rage by spending the days pacing around and around the tiny tower room, slamming themselves into the walls whenever the urge takes them. At one point they notice a hangnail on one of their fingers and bite it off, and that slowly turns into a regular habit, biting and chewing the skin around their nails until their fingers grow quite raw and unpleasant looking.

 

Anyone who tries to visit them during this period is met with nothing but hostility.

 

They stay awake for long periods of time, silently prowling their room until they grow too exhausted to stand, and then they sleep, restlessly dreaming of dust and poison and chasing and being chased.

 

(A few dreams manage to stand out, however, ones where things aren't entirely awful and, strangely, they usually involve speaking with the residents of the castle, such as Frisk or Grune. Chara doesn't mention these dreams to anyone.)

 

* * *

 

Bit by bit, the exhaustion manages to even overtake the rage.

 

Chara ceases their pacing entirely and stops trying to break the furniture, although they do push their bed right up to the window so that they can sit there and lean on the windowsill. They spend their days watching the clouds drift through the sky and biting their fingers, until one of their guards- a big hairy beast with wings called the Batman- gives them a pair of brown leather gloves to help them stop. After that they work on curbing their tendencies and spend their time staring out the window sans finger biting.

 

And while they don't become amiable, the boredom grows bad enough that they stop putting deliberate effort into driving any visitors away. Watching someone talk at you is better than nothing, they suppose.

 

Chara wonders if that's a sign that they've been in the tower too long.

 

 

* * *

 

They come to the decision that they need to start experimenting. They already know they can't force their way out of the tower, but they know a possible loophole they can test: What happens if they die?

 

Chara's not sure if they will wake up outside the tower or not, but they at least know they don't necessarily wake up in the same location as their body and it's not as if they have anything to lose by trying.

 

Of course, finding a method is difficult. There's nothing to poison themselves with, the bars prevent them from jumping out of the tower, and the guards are careful to keep sharp objects away from them.

 

In the end, they choose a rather passive suicide method: they stop eating and drinking.

 

Any water and food they get given is ignored until Chara's guards turn their backs, after which Chara calmly scrapes everything into the privy. They think they read once that a human will die after three days without water and food- or was that three weeks? Three months? In the spirit of scientific curiosity, they decide to pay more careful attention to the passage of time.

 

Oddly, their decision seems to cheer them up. They start to find little things to keep them occupied. They push their bed back against the wall and save crumbs of bread and similar things to scatter on the windowsill, in the hopes of attracting birds to watch. When they have the energy, they do push-ups. On the occasion that neither of their guards are around they sing snippets of songs they can remember- or even when their guards are around, albeit under their breath.

 

And maybe, just maybe, they receive the odd visitor to distract them from the growing pains in their stomach.

Comments

[dustless]

Out of sight, Frisk rolls their eyes. (Even if a part of them wonders that, too. Not if Chara brings up Papyrus. Which they might. But hopefully Sans isn't around, and won't be around for a while.)

Frisk's face gently thumps against the door.

"Told you. We were talking. Wasn't actually done talking before Sans did that." Papyrus was the last thing they'd spoken about, technically, but--no. "Think we were talking about...EXP, last? Not getting any. Not needing it."

[buttercup_eater]

It seems strange to think of them "not being done" talking, when Chara's already told Frisk so much- more than they talked to anyone else, after they'd been revived. But then Frisk mentions EXP, and it seems as though this is yet another attempt at stopping them from killing anyone. So even with everything Chara had said, Frisk... still doesn't seem to understand.

"Rest assured," Chara says, "As long as I'm in here, I can't kill any of your precious friends. Now. Go away."

They pointedly look away from the door, even though Frisk probably can't see the gesture.

[dustless]

"I know." Obviously? says their tone. "Doesn't mean you're going to be in there forever, or anything." Frisk does hope they'll be allowed out sometime.

Anyway. "Still don't need to get stronger, even if you do. The people here are nice. And...that 'someone else' is still gone. Right?"

Frisk has no idea who that might be, still. But just like they'd told Sans, they don't think Chara was lying about it.

[buttercup_eater]

Chara doesn't plan on staying in the tower forever themselves, but they still point out: "I believe my guards plan otherwise."

And on that note Chara... doesn't really roll their eyes when Frisk talks about how the people there are nice but they do have to hold back a scoff. They met quite a few of the people in the castle after being revived after their last death, and it was long enough to form their own opinions on the locals, thank you very much.

Then Chara goes silent for a while, once Frisk mentions their partner.

Their partner does indeed seem to be gone, but it's not as if they have any way to know for sure. Chara doesn't feel their partner's presence anymore, like a hand pushing against their spine, doesn't get any of the unreal urges and whims that made them press onwards and onwards. It's as if they're a marionette whose strings were snapped mid-performance, unable to move without aid and left in front of a still expectant audience.

It's only once Chara realizes they've been silent for a while that they manage to pull themselves together.

"...My partner's been quiet," Chara admits. "But it doesn't matter. They just laid out the path for me. I'm the one who walked it."

[dustless]

Frisk acknowledges that with a hum, nothing more. Of course Tauriel and Batman don't want them out. Most of the castle don't want them out right now. But--on the positive side, they think they can be convinced. On a more practical note...determination is a powerful force. If Chara wants to get out, they will. Eventually.

That sounds...weird. And uncomfortable. Mostly the implication that maybe this partner thing's still around. But even if they're not, Frisk has to ask:

"...And are you gonna keep walking it?"

[buttercup_eater]

They make a thoughtful noise.

"I still have Determination. I'm not a quitter," Chara says. "I'll keep moving for as long as I can.

"But," they add, "That does not mean you can expect a killing spree. I... won't lie and say I hated killing. But I do hate wasting time on pointless activities. Because I did not gain any EXP from you, that may mean the nature of this place prevents me from amassing more. If this is the case, that would render murdering anyone here pointless. Or at least, going out of my way to do so."

And it would leave them trapped at level nineteen, still without the power necessary to complete their ultimate goal. Trapped at level nineteen, trapped in a tower, trapped in a castle, trapped in the underground, trapped in the village of their birth... It's a bitter pattern.

[dustless]

Frisk traces their finger across their throat.

"Dunno why it would. If nobody can stay dead here, wouldn't really make it count enough, I guess." Which they have a bit of concern about. What if it's only humans? What if it's only anyone who had a SAVE file?

They don't know. They don't want to find out. They're used to dying, they know they can handle it if it happens to them, but they can just remember that it's the most terrifying thing in the world, those first few times.

Frisk taps a brief rhythm against the stone. (It's Shyren's song.)

"That just why you did it? Kill me?" They distinctly remember they sounded weird near the end, but of course they can't remember much but pain and trying to escape after the first few stabs.

[buttercup_eater]

Chara would shrug, if they thought Frisk could see it. That seems as good an explanation as any- they suppose they haven't thoroughly tested the possibilities yet, but that can go on the back burner for now.

They grit their teeth at the next question. They've explained this a few times now, they think, but "Well. I did assume if you'd done. Something to take us here. Then killing you would force a RESET," they say.

...It sounds a bit dumb now that they think about it. Of course Frisk hadn't done anything. Frisk barely had done anything, back in the Underground, just obeyed their partner's commands up until, at some point while they were going around and around the Ruins, they'd ceded control of their body to Chara and their partner entirely. There hadn't been much special about them: they were just some kid luckless enough to have a body and SOUL Chara could be fused with.

Chara hadn't even known their name. They hadn't known until Grune had offhandedly mentioned it when she'd asked Chara why they'd killed Frisk. "Frisk is worth so, so much," she'd said. "We all love them with all our hearts."

And then that makes them think of that little flash of gold from around Frisk's neck, and Chara feels as if they should say something but the second locket suddenly seems horribly obvious in its location in their inventory and there's a lump in their throat that isn't going away.

Frisk will be able to hear another thunk as Chara snatches up the bowl again and throws it across the room.

"Anyway," Chara says, "I had nothing to lose by trying. It didn't work. The end. And they all lived happily ever after."

[dustless]

Chara might think it sounds dumb, but Frisk-- "Makes sense. I thought that was gonna happen, too. Or something like that, at least to the start of when I got here, 'cause there wasn't a way to SAVE. Nothing I was sure about." They thought they might've been able to make a couple when they were having particularly good days. But 'might've' didn't feel good enough for them to willingly walk into the knife.

Thunk. Frisk jumps in place.

They can't tell what Chara's thinking about, but throwing things does not match up with their...attempt at sounding like they don't care at all. Even if Frisk's pretty sure whatever their thoughts are don't hold some sort of secret regret for killing them.

"'Happily' is relative," they mutter, not entirely expecting Chara to hear it.

[buttercup_eater]

Chara curls up into a ball, resting their head on their knees, and stares at the bowl from where it's landed on the floor. They feel like a spring that's been twisted up too tight. It can't all be blamed on the other child but they've surely given Frisk enough to mull over by now- why doesn't they just leave Chara alone already?

They don't catch exactly what it is that Frisk mutters, but they do get a bit of the tone, and just the fact that Frisk speaks at all. Half of Chara wants to ignore it, and the other half is irritated by the possibility of missing something.

They compromise by telling Frisk "If you've got something to say, say it so I can hear you," in a bored tone of voice.

[dustless]

"...you know, that's kind of hard to do a lot now," they say dryly. They were never loud to begin with, but Chara's why they're even worse, and they're can't completely disregard how frustrating that can be.

"An' you know, we're the first people who died here, too." Had they said so before? Probably, when they were talking about the graves. The consequences, though--happily is relative because of that.

Frisk's not exactly sorry that they were the first to die, or that Chara was the second. They're used to it, Chara's used to it, they can handle it better than anyone else in the castle could've. But if someone else had before, or if Frisk had in some other way...people wouldn't have had to freak out so badly.

[buttercup_eater]

Shamefully, it actually takes Chara a moment to realize what exactly Frisk is referring to. "Right. That line on your neck," they say. "Strange, is it not? We never kept any of our injuries before." Perhaps it's an aspect of Chara's soul; they don't think they retained even a scratch of what Sans did to them. But it's just another mystery in an increasingly long line of them.

Huh. Not surprising that nobody's died. Chara has the impression nobody's been here for very long, and everyone here acts like they're too righteous to kill anyone- outside of deserving inhuman things like Chara, of course.

"Do you think we're still the only ones who can come back?" Chara asks, their tone almost conversational considering the subject matter.

[dustless]

"And in my chest an' back. Really strange." Frisk doesn't sound particularly bothered about those. Getting those stabs hurt, but all the scars do is catch on their shirt sometimes.

Frisk starts drumming their fingers over their knee. Soundless but soothing. "Maybe. Dunno. There's no SAVE, not even somebody elses', like Flowey. ...Not the same kind. Castle's weird."

[buttercup_eater]

"There too?" Chara says, in a tone of mild surprise. The scar on Frisk's neck was the only one they saw- though the ones on Frisk's chest and back would be under their shirt, duh. "Hm. In that case. I wonder if I caused permanent damage to your internal organs." Chara suspects nobody would have told them if that had happened.

They shrug, even though Frisk can't see it. "You know, perhaps we shouldn't be surprised. The Underground was the only place I ever heard of anyone being able to SAVE."

[dustless]

Frisk squeaks. That's the only word that can come close to describing their sound of surprise. Even though their throat was messed up, they hadn't suspected a thing about the rest of where they were stabbed.

"No? ...Don't think so?" they amend. "Just my voice isn't working good. Maybe it's 'cause that killed me all the way, not the other stuff." Though the rest of it certainly helped.

Anyway. "Yeah. Wonder why. All the monster magic down there?"

[buttercup_eater]

Now that's an amusing (and slightly startling) sound. Chara laughs, not bothering to try and keep it quiet. If Frisk is offended by being laughed at, that's too bad for them.

Chara does think over Frisk's suggestion, briefly. It still doesn't explain why Chara revived relatively unscathed... Honestly, they could fill an entire book with the unanswered questions they have at this point.

"Let me propose a new theory:" Chara says, "You just have terrible luck."

And in regards to Frisk's speculating about the Underground, Chara suggests: "Monsters also have terrible luck."

[dustless]

They make a noise in response--mleh. Since Chara won't actually be able to see if they stick their tongue out.

"...that's not a...good theory. Notta explanation at all. Luck's not a thing. Not back home, anyway. I guess it might be here."

More rhythmic tapping. "Underground has to do with Determination. But I dunno how it works. How you can put it in...needles...and stuff." They're sort of assuming Chara made it down into the True Lab, too. Sans did say they killed everyone.

[buttercup_eater]

There's a slight temptation to make a mleh noise back and louder, but Chara suppresses it on the grounds that they're too mature for that.

"It explains matters more than any of your theories have. Thus far."

And then there's a moment where Chara wonders if they misheard Frisk. "Needles?" they echo. "What on Earth are you talking about?"

[dustless]

"Saying 'everybody's luck sucks' isn't a 'splanation."

Rustle, rustle--they're moving to kneel and peek in through the door lock again. Chara's voice sounded weird.

"Needles. You know. To inject Determination. The lab?" Maybe they'd been too...busy...to read all the entries on the walls.

[buttercup_eater]

Chara also has to bite back an is so, again on the grounds of they're Much More Mature Than You, Frisk.

Frisk won't see much- just Chara, sitting under the window, hugging their knees and staring at the door with an incredulous expression. They aren't bothering to hide that they have no idea what Frisk is going on about.

"Inject deter- What, in the place with the catgirl poster? Are you referring to some sort of outlandish anime? I didn't have time for such pursuits when I was going through the Underground, Frisk."

[dustless]

Anime. They snort a little.

"No, under there. There's--the elevator where the 'bathroom' is, remember? To the other lab?" they press. "There was stuff on the walls that talked about Determination. How the Amalgamates happened." Frisk hesitates. "...and Flowey."

[buttercup_eater]

Amalgamate. That stirs up a sense of familiarity, but the rest of it...

"...You're speaking of things we never saw in my timeline," Chara says. "It means nothing to me."

Well, not quite. They may never have been down there, but whatever that 'stuff' was, it sounds important. Chara wishes they could ask more but they hesitate; nothing's stopping Frisk from withholding that information, if they're not just making stuff up.

In the end, they shrug. "Talk about it if you like, but don't expect me to have any answers for you."

[dustless]

"Oh."

Frisk slips out of sight again. Now they're leaning against the door, cheek solidly planted against the wood, as if that'll steady them.

"I don't expect that. There's...a lot of stuff down there. Determination can be put in needles. And needles..."

Pause. Should they talk about it? It'll probably come out later, in some way or another.

And Asriel...

They catch themselves reaching towards where their locket isn't, again, and instead lightly dig a nail into their scar.

"...If I tell you, you can't use it. To be...to hurt Alphys. If she ever comes here."

[buttercup_eater]

"I see you've picked a suitably dramatic point to drop off," Chara comments, shifting their position and folding their arms. They narrow their eyes at the Frisk-less keyhole.

What Frisk says next earns a thoughtful noise.

"I can't promise a thing like that," they say. "Hurting people is what I do." As Sans and Mrs. Pointy Ears and Mettaton and all the other people at the castle have no doubt informed Frisk of. Repeatedly and/or at length. The purpose of their reincarnation, the only thing they've ever been good for, the thing that everybody picks up on sooner or later.

[dustless]

Hey, Frisk can't help where their words trail off. They're just thinking, mulling. They're talking out loud more and more here in the castle than they ever did back home.

"Doesn't need to be. 'Specially when...all the stuff that happened was just an accident, when she was working on stuff for Asgore that could get monsters out faster."

Because that goal, at least, matters to Chara, Frisk is sure. They killed themselves for that, and Frisk knows it, and Chara knows that Frisk knows it. Even if...they killed monsters after being brought back, too. Made by that weird other.