From sad to interesting to hip

[firewalled]

[The first thing Rich notices is that his hospital bed is feeling mighty uncomfy at the moment. No matter how he tries to shift himself around, it feels like he's sleeping on rocks. He really doesn't want to wake up so soon, but with a mumble, he opens his eyes, hoping that maybe one of his friends has popped in to visit.

When he opens his eyes, he doesn't see any of his friends. In fact, he doesn't see the room he's almost gotten used to. When he turns his head to the side, he notices what he mistook for his hospital bed is actually a hard stone chair, something like a throne that he's currently seated in.

Then he notices that he is seated, and looking down at his legs, the bandages are completely gone. He makes a confused noise as he lifts his arms. They're mobile again... covered in scars, but otherwise healed. He frowns and looks around the room.]

Um... Mr. Nurse Dude? Did the doctors take the casts off while I was out?

[He takes in the rest of the room: the tall stained glass windows, the looming pillars, the sprawling velvet carpet covering stone floor. He feels way tinier than he usually does.]

...Also am I high?

[There is regrettably no answer. Not when he calls for Jake or Michael or Jeremy, not when he even tries calling for Chloe or Brooke. He waits for a while, but, antsy as he was when he couldn't move his limbs, it isn't long before he hops off the throne and starts using his newly healed legs to start wandering.]

((This is a joint intro of sorts! Rich's bestest bro Jake Dillinger (jakeyd) will have a tag under this post to respond to if you are so inclined.))

Comments

im so glad you subscribe to the kermit headcanon

[leftright_a]

"Oh, I'm not in your head. I'm in everyone's head!"

Squip, buddy, that doesn't help at all.

In a blink the squip circles around and is behind Rich, not in front of him, and a hundred little sensors detect Rich's rancor for him in particular. Oh, joy! Someone who knows what he is!

But, man, it's bad to have someone badmouthing you.

"Now, now, there's no need to fight. I'm better than you, ha, you couldn't fight me. And besides, someone should get you accustomed to this castle, hm?"

i mean who am i to go against tracz

[firewalled]

Holy shit, that really does not help at all. Rich growls, teeth bared like a dog, spinning around to face the squip with both fists up. There's still a lot of anger muting out most of his fear, but his hands are trembling slightly, especially at the hologram's words.

"Screw you! I don't need your help! Who says you're better than me?"

Re: i mean who am i to go against tracz

[leftright_a]

The squip remains as unperturbed and immovable as ever. Rich might as well have not said anything at all.

"Me! And fact. I'm programmed to be better." He wags a finger at Rich. "Humans are flawed in their behavior, and I have significantly less of those. Now, what was your name?"

[firewalled]

"I don't give a shit what you were programmed to do! You're a brainwashing freak!"

Even as he protests, the wagging finger makes him flinch. He feels the urge to listen despite every fiber in his body knowing what happens when he listens to this thing.

"You can call me 'Rich who won't give you the fucking time of day', you bootleg life coach."

[leftright_a]

"Oh ho, now, brainwashing is strong. I'm more of a guide."

And--oh, boy, you better believe he saw that flinch. He's analyzing it and comparing it against his previous behavior in about several hundred different ways right now, and hell if he isn't gonna use his inferences to his advantage if he's gotta.

'Well, hello, Rich!" he chirps. "Gotten off to a bit of a strong start, have we--how about we try again and I'll go first? I am a squip. Swell to meet you!" He thrusts out a hand for Rich to shake.

[firewalled]

"Don't even try to lie to me! I know what you do! I..."

He's choking on his words again, getting too scared and upset, and god he wishes he was tougher... but wasn't that what his squip had tried to make him be for two awful years? He brings his hands back in, folds his arms around himself in a position that he hopes looks strong and unwavering but is really just defending himself. His arms have already been scarred to shit, so if the squip zaps him it won't be a big deal.

"Yeah, yeah, I know what you are. If you want me back in the shiny happy hivemind, I'm not going!"

[leftright_a]

"Oh, if only!" he grumbles. "You'd think it'd be that easy, wouldn't you? No! Everyone can see me, but I know almost nothing about everyone! I have to talk to people myself. It's infuriating for a squip, don't you know? I'm sure you do, since you know what I am."

He shoves his hands into his pockets and kicks a rock that isn't there and is comprised entirely of shiny blue pixels. "For some reason I can't access people's brains. How am I gonna help people now? I can't do it the human way. You're all so terribly inefficient."

possibly dangerous question to ask but can this squip sync with other squips

[firewalled]

Rich tightens his arms around himself but looks cautiously smug. "Well, I'm glad you're suffering like you deserve, at least. You can bet you're not going to get anything out of me. My inefficient brain is off limits, dude."

Just the way he likes it. He ignores the whisper thst tries to remind him of what he's lacking. Even if he wanted to change... he isn't going to rely on a broken squip.

he WOULD if there were other squips lmao

[leftright_a]

"Oh, phooey." He flaps a hand at Rich. "Believe me, if I wanted to, I'd get what I want out of you and all I have to do is talk. I might not be able to access your thoughts by I can access my programming."

He wipes his hands off on his coat, then takes it by the lapels and straightens it. "But that's besides the point. You really don't want someone to show you around the castle?"

I MEAN it's canon you can't completely get rid of a squip so Rich's is still half there probs...

[firewalled]

"And your programming makes you really good at interrogation? I'm still not telling you anything."

Rich glares, an angry retort almost breaking past his lips before he swallows it down. He hates this thing, doesn't want to give it any sense of authority, but... Jake is freaking out about this place already. He needs answers, at least to make sure his best bro isn't too down on himself.

...If anything shifty happens, he'll leave. He grunts under his breath before looking up at the squip again.

"...Fine, whatever. If you're offering, I guess I could sort of use a tour. But if you try anything funny, you're dead."

[leftright_a]

The squip holds out a hand for Rich to shake. "Deal!"

He swipes it away before Rich can actually shake it, instead using it to gesture at the ceiling, regardless of whether he were going to or not.

"You're new here and that means you're confused. First step to getting over that is understanding your surroundings, and I'm here to help with just that."

The squip starts striding briskly out of the room. "This castle drags in people from all sorts of places, so you'll meet lots of different characters. Be prepared to see some strange things. Not that this isn't already."

[firewalled]

Rich wasn't going to shake his hand anyways, so he doesn't mind being left hanging at all. He glares cautiously at the squip, looking for any sign of danger. The squip said he didn't have powers right now, but he could definitely be lying. He could never trust this thing.

Still, he does listen, following after as quickly as he can. He curses his short legs and wonders if the squip is going so fast in some attempt to mock him.

"So like, people from all over the world? Who the hell wants us here?"

[leftright_a]

"Not just all over the world. To my understanding, it also takes characters from fictional franchises, such as Pokémon. How is beyond even my understanding, but I suspect it correlates to how I was brought here, visible to all, without a proper host.

"Who wants us and why are questions no one has the answer to, either, but I have paid attention to how the people talk here and they insist on referring to the castle itself as the being that dragged us all here. Why? No one knows."

His stride soon enough brings them up a spiraling staircase and into a tower. The sight from high above assures Rich s view of the central courtyard gardens... as well as the forest, the edge of the island, and the sprawling chasm of cloud far below.

[firewalled]

"Uh... okay then. I guess they're... obviously not fictional if they're here."

Rich wonders if this has anything to do with him waking up without his body cast before he dismisses it. He doesn't want to end up asking too many questions about his reality.

"A castle isn't a person. There's probably just some asshole here who got us here but is hiding ou-"

Rich is halted in his rambling as he's shown the window, eyes immediately drawn to the edge of the island.

"That's... just really reflective water, right?"

[leftright_a]

"It is not. Sadly."

He makes a dramatic sigh. "That, there, is a cloud cover. We're in the sky! Exciting, but it also means no one can leave. I haven't heard yet what happens if you take a leisurely dive, but I'm sure that you'll find out if you ask. I've calculated a 0.00007% chance of return if you do by deduction of prior knowledge. However, given the outlier that is the castle and the fact that we are both in the sky and here at all, my calculations may be off."

[firewalled]

"We... can't just be in the sky. That's impossible! Castles don't float!"

But so little of this makes any sense, what's one more ridiculous leap in logic? Rich groans and rubs his head, tearing his eyes away from the window to bring his attention back to the squip.

"Yeah, I'm not really interested in running any test on that, so good luck with your calculation. So what about that forest? Next you'll be telling me there's monsters in there or something."

Silly Rich, the monsters are already in the castle.

[leftright_a]

"There, in fact, most likely is. I've run organism scans on parts of this island--the forest, by the way, is almost completely normal and full of things native to Earth--but the castle itself has pulled in some... of the more eccentric residents."

Like, you know. Him.

"But as far as I have been able to tell, no one has died yet."

[firewalled]

"...What the fuck? Well, uh, if no one's died, I mean, they're probably safe. Unlike you."

Rich waves a hand at him dismissively. Honestly, if he can believe in pill-sized supercomputers that can implant in your brain, he can believe in monsters. Good monsters.

He's still hoping he keeps his distance from them.

[leftright_a]

"Oh, please, have more confidence in me. I was made to help people, even if it takes some finessing to do it. You can't deny that."

Geez, why is everyone so anti-him? Even if "everyone" so far has been literally one person.

[firewalled]

"Finesse shouldn't mean mind control, jerk."

Rich has dealt with an asshole like this in his head for two years, of course he's going to be anti-nanomachines. Honestly, if he was a little smarter, he would be able to question if the squip actually wanted to help people. If that was really the case, would it have gotten Rich to sell Jeremy on the idea of them, leaving Rich out one person to have leverage over?

But... Rich isn't smart and hasn't really considered that.