[halloween event; open!] look at this peacoat, tell me he's broke

[trombones]

Somewhere outside in the lone dead of not-so-spooky day, a lone sound can be heard in near the garden.

"Pbft. Heh."

A few moments past. It happens again.

"PBBBFT. Heheheheheh."

Under a tree near the garden's entrance, a human man sits behind a makeshift stand shoddily put together by a bunch of boards stacked on top of each other. The man himself looked about the same. Short but solid, he was built like a shit brickhouse complete with a disheveled mess of dark, curly hair sticking out in random spots and matching 5 o'clock scruff on his chin. He wore robes that looked like they belonged to the castle underneath a clearly modern jacket that looked a hell of a lot like the one Sans wore all the time.

The awful clash in time period and cleanliness aside, Sans (yeah no you know who this is) seems perfectly content. He leans against a wooden chair he dragged outside as he blows raspberries to himself with his new tongue. He laughs literally every time. He wasn't thrilled about whatever the hell the castle did to make him human, but hey. Might as well have fun with what he's got, right? Not having magic was actually kind of boring, even if he did trade it for a solid body and 20 HP.

Speaking of fun, there's a sign leaned against the tree:

sans buy 'n trade
inquire within

Sans nods at the next person who passes by.

"Hey, listen to this."

He sticks his tongue out.

"PBBFT."

Comments

oh my god :D

[itstheend]

Chara spots the sign on their quest for food they can actually eat, and internally war with themselves (it's strange when Frisk isn't involved) on how hungry they are versus how much they want to interact with a Sans (the human factor is just an extra black mark.)

Then they remember that if he wants to pick them up and throw them into a wall, he's going to have to do that himself now, and that sounds like a sort of effort to which he wouldn't be inclined.

And that's how an unimpressed child-sized skeleton in a green and yellow sweater came to be standing right here, at this moment.

"Congratulations, you've made confiscating your whoopee cushion exponentially harder."

Say it, don't spray it, Sans.

👍

[trombones]

It takes a minute, but Sans recognizes them. Sport of. It's mostly the sweater, as well as the two times he's ever talked to Chara here. Barely knew them otherwise, but eh. Sans leans against the stand Sally Brown style.

"You too, huh, kiddo? Talk about a switcheroo."

He looks Chara up and down with the kind of complexion Humphrey Bogart probably beat up in a movie once.

"Heh. So are you the monster kind of skeleton now, or like the plastic ones in human grocery stores?"

[itstheend]

"Gee," Chara says, closing their eyesockets... somehow. "I don't know. Maybe I've joined the shadowy cabal of Halloween decorations that move when no one's looking."

Which is to say; probably the former. They open them again, mock-innocent.

"How's slowly burning to death working out for you?"

Wait until you hear about all the fun new ways you can die now, Sans!

[trombones]

Sans quirks an eyebrow.

"Wow. Edgy."

He shrugs and leans back in his chair, reaching down from under his 'stand'.

"Welp. No idea what you're talking about, kiddo, since I feel about as chill as ever, but here." He produces an apple from fruit trees nearby. "I dunno if it's any different from your version of things, but I've always been able to eat human food just fine."

[itstheend]

Edgy is Chara's middle name. And also possibly their last name. We just don't know.

Chara takes the apple with both hands and also visible reluctance. They've had some unfun experiences with food over the last two days. They've worked out they can eat stuff if they make it for some reason, but otherwise...

"Please tell me you're not expecting me to pay for this," they say, because while it's impressive he's apparently gone to An Effort and gotten it off one of the garden trees, they could also do that themselves. The laws of supply and demand say it's worth nothing, or something.

They cautiously bite into it without waiting for the reply. The piece falls out the bottom of their jaw almost immediately, caught quickly by a hand underneath, and they look away, clearly angrily embarrassed and just. Holding out both pieces for him to take back. Should be fine, it's not as if there's drool on it, right?

[trombones]

"Nope. All yours."

After the failed attempt, however, Sans shakes his head at the pieces Chara holds out to him. As for An Effort, nah. Not really. He didn't do anything. The apples were just easier to grab..

"Monsters absorb their food through magic. Usually, we just concentrate our magic in our mouths, beaks, whatever we eat out of. But... if I'm guessin' right, it's probably only been a couple days for you, huh?"

[itstheend]

Chara reels the pieces back in and just sort of... holds them. Not having a face unfortunately prone to going rosy-cheeked anymore is one of the few good things to come out of this. They nod, still avoiding his gaze.

"Yes."

The mention of magic perks their interest, and even though they try not to let it show, the way they look back at him after might give it away. There's a weakness to letting someone know you cannot do something, especially something as apparently vital to the monster condition as this, but they also want to know. Striking a compromise between these desires is a tricky thing.

"What happens to the physical matter, then? Does the magic dissolve it?"

Could they say, bite someone and have that happen? Hypothetically.

[trombones]

"Pretty much. It gets converted into energy."

Sans mouth purses, and goes lopsided, thinking. He scratches at his patchy scruff. Give it longer than this will probably last and he could grow a full-on beard covered in cheeto dust.

"Well. Young monsters usually don't know their own magic right off the bat either, so. If you really are one, it's in you. You just gotta coax it out."

[itstheend]

Chara looks down at their hands. Some deep buried part is enamoured of the thought: maybe they could learn magic. They try to squish it. Back. In the feelings box, now. Go on. Shoo.

It doesn't shoo.

"How do I do that?" They return to looking at him. "I assume it's not as simple as just picturing it."

They already tried that. Sharply imagined flinging a human and a plant by the SOUL, to no avail. Maybe they were attempting something beyond their level? They have no idea. It's becoming readily apparent to them just how much they don't know about monsters.

[trombones]

"It might take some time, but.... You gotta eat sometime."

Sans pauses for a moment, almost hesitant, then gets up from his chair. He stands in front of the counter now, hands in his pockets, probably looking like the world's worst teacher.

"So you're right so far. You don't picture it. It's more of... a feeling. In your soul. Your whole body's made of it now, so it's there."

[mercybutton]

Frisk snorts, which is actually a strange sound coming from that new nose. Less like a snort and more like a snorf.

Looks like Sans figured out raspberries. Honestly, it was only a matter of time. "Are you having fun?"

[trombones]

At first, Sans doesn't recognize them. He LOOKED at Frisk, sure, but it takes a moment to actually register that he knows this... horse???? in front of him. The face gives it away.

Well, goddamn.

"Are you four-legged? The answer's yes to both, by the way."

[mercybutton]

Come on, there aren't deer monsters in the Underground? At the very least he can compare them to Gyftrot.

They snort, hefting the staff over their shoulder. If Sans cares to notice the confident angle of their head, facing him straight--well, he should be able to come to a conclusion.

Uh, except. "What's this, a sign? What's it say?"

[trombones]

Sure there are. There's just not a lot that look like human kids he knows.

... Speaking of knowing, it takes a minute to put his next realization together too. Frisk had changed pretty significantly, but it wasn't hard to figure out which version of the kid they were. As if this is who he thought they were...

He blinks at the question.

"You can see it?"

[mercybutton]

"Not… really. I know it's there, and it's a rectangle, but no details. What's it say?"

They squint behind their bangs as if it'll help. (It won't.)

[trombones]

(It doesn't.)

"... Huh. I'll be darned."

Sans looks at the signs behind him, as if he needs a reminded. He doesn't, but color him surprised right.

"It says 'sans buy 'n trade, inquire within. ... Wait a sec."

He turns back around.

"How much is not really? I mean, can you see me?"

[mercybutton]

"It's like…"

They pause.

"Everything is a white-outlined silhouette, against a dark background, and the lines aren't even solid 'n defined. Shaky and wobbly and fuzzy." Which also means they haven't got a clue about the tomfoolery you're wearing. "I only figured it was you, 'cause of your voice."

Which is what they always do--identifying by sound, that is. Man, they're lucky the castle didn't turn them into a bat.

[trombones]

Too bad. He would have gotten a kick at their reaction to his outfit. Though it probably doesn't help that he's roughly the same shape, but now he has meat and hair on those bones. Scandalous??

"Huh."

Double 'huh', technically.

"I guess that makes sense. I figured you would've eventually figured out something was different anyway--" Either by a touch on the arm, his heavier footsteps, whatever. "--but hey. Glad you got some better eyes. And extra feet. I'm guessin' they threw that in for free."

[mercybutton]

"Yeah, it's actually kind of cool. I feel a lot faster."

Beat. "Not so sure how well I can still dodge, though. I hope I won't have to. What about you?" They grin, fanged. "How d'you like being human?"

[bokor]

"Nice pipes." Facilier decided to go with pretending he had every right to be talking to Sans and that there was nothing unusual about making friendly conversation - because on some level there wasn't, and on another level he didn't miss the sign, and wondered in brief if Sans was also a hustler.

"Set of pipes on you, maybe you could learn to play an instrument. Do vaudville." He grinned, held out a friendly hand, "Name's Facilier. Are you Sans?" He inclined his head toward the sign, "Or is it something you're looking to buy?"

[trombones]

"Thanks. I play trombone on the side. Sometimes I just tell jokes. Hey."

Sans leans back sideways in his chair and takes the hand offered, giving it a somewhat weak shake. He nods as he lets go, then props his hands behind his head with a lazy grin.

"Nah. That's just my name. If you ever find something actually CALLED sans, though, let me know. I bet it'd drive my brother crazy."

[bokor]

"Think I'd like to hear that sometime." For once, the friendliness wasn't completely fake - Facilier did like music, and it was no trial to anticipate enduring it. Unless, a playful thought occurred, "Tho', you didn't say you played trombone well."

It wasn't often that Facilier liked someone at once anyway, and this was no exception. He kept a healthy separation between the concepts people and liking. Too dangerous, for one thing, and it interfered with his own goals far too much to ever get fond. Most people, in his experience, made that easier by being so downright greedy and self serving that it wasn't hard to assume that was how everyone was. Only looking out for themselves.

Just had to figure out what people wanted, and then he'd be golden.

"Your brother hates puns, huh. Well, I'd hope he could at least respect you trying to make an honest living, that's never too easy. Making a living alone is hard enough." He observed, noncommittally, "So what you looking for, Sans?"

[trombones]

"See, you got me there," Sans says, playfully pointing a finger at Facilier like any good wisecracker would. His lazy grin widens at the extra observation, and he shakes his head.

"Nah. My brother's a pretty cool guy. You're right about the puns, though. You should see his face when I tell them. I save all my best jokes for him."

Anyway. The former monster could go on about his brother all day, and totally would if given the chance. He looks back at his own sign, then shrugs.

"Well. I'm a little all over the place. I'm practically a hot dog tycoon back home, but I'm an entrepreneur of a little bit of everything. Whaddaya got?"

[bokor]

"Always looking for that hidden catch." Facilier gave the impression he was joking and also not joking, which was true. There usually was a catch, even in jokes, but this was going well and encouraged him to stick with the conversation, even though he couldn't see an immediate way out of the place and probably couldn't get information on the same. Everybody here, including Sans, seemed to be more or less resigned to the intermission in their lives.

"He around here, in the castle with you?" He asked, smirking halfway at the comment about puns. "Nobody likes em, that's what they're there for. I'll find the time to groan at a couple if you like."

His eyes played over the sign again to follow Sans's glance, "Hot dogs," He repeated dubiously, "Yeah, I can see how that might be hard to do here. 'Specially if what I hear is true and people don't do commerce."

Facilier was still getting used to that idea and didn't mind showing it. "Mostly what I do for folks is tarot readings. Tell 'em their future, give em advice in love lives and careers." A trifle dismissive, "You'd be surprised what people want. Or maybe you wouldn't... You hear of voodoo before?"

[trombones]

That grin fades, just a little. Despite it, he stays easy. He shrugs.

"Nah. He's back home, where he should be. Which is why I better write these jokes down one of these days, huh?"

As for the offer, color Sans curious. Or, you know, take a guess. His expression doesn't change much, making it hard to tell if he's even vaguely interested until he opens his mouth:

"Never heard of it. Never heard of tarot readings either. But that sounds kinda interesting. That like fortune telling or somethin'?"