what use is a present if you just leave it to look pretty

[dustless]

For all the time they've been at the castle, Frisk's never really hung around the Edge.

What would the point be? There's a lot more inside, where the rooms are ever-shifting, and the gardens are always full of sunlight and only a few clouds high above. If they really wanted to watch clouds moving, they could just go into one of the towers or higher halls and watch out the windows.

...and the Edge was a reminder that the castle's all there really is, and they don't...like thinking about that all the time.

But now that they've been guiding newcomers there to prove yes, this is all real, they've realized...it's not bad out there. It's beautiful, seeing the clouds close up like that, and the grass is comfortable, and the wind is nice against their face, even if it's kind of cold. And that last bit is helpful in another way, too--

High above the Edge, maybe even visible from the castle's other towers and the gardens, a red kite flies--after several attempts, almost staying in the air before falling out of sight again, once, twice, three time, four...eighth time's the charm.  It's Frisk's gift from Serif and S-4, with its kitty face, though that's impossible to see from so far below. 

Frisk themselves is just sitting cross-legged in the grass, holding onto the kite's spool tightly, watching it disappear and reappear with the clouds' movements. 

They hadn't thought about how that would telegraph exactly where they are, but that's fine. They won't mind if people come to keep them company.

Comments

[dustless]

It's practically a hug. Frisk moves one hand to hold the kite spool well and matches Barnaby, putting their arm across his back.

"'S okay. I'm here now. And you're here now. Stuff that happened here and to people here before the castle, you know, all that's definitely not your fault. And you've got time to remember that." Just like they said to Kotetsu to try helping.

oh jesus i'm so sorry frisk

[ojisankink]

Practically a hug, but not quite. Which is probably a good thing, seeing as how Barnaby still isn't very good at hugging people. He stays silent for a while, just thinking about... everything. There's no other word for what happened to Barnaby before coming here, especially when it encapsulates most of his life.

He knows it's not his fault. Or he should know. He isn't sure why he's so used to taking the blame at first. Was it just because he used to be a hero? He tries to think back to the things he considers he's to blame for.

The death of his parents. Kotetsu's being framed as a criminal. The androids that had been created to destroy them. The near-death of Kotetsu. Just the fact in general that Maverick turned on them...

And then he catches himself. Maverick. He was the one who had told him all of those things were his fault. And he had just accepted them because... because...

Why had he listened to someone who murdered everyone he ever cared about?

His breathing is getting a little faster. He feels dizzy and bends over slightly, as if the weight of realizing the manipulation he faced wasn't just related to his memories is crushing him.

-~-

[dustless]

He bends, and Frisk bends too, his arm pressing him down and their arm still staying against his back.

"...Barnaby?" (Asgore's breathing got funny--Sans is crying and so are they--) They twist their head up, trying to see his face. "Are you--what's the matter?"

[ojisankink]

His eyes are empty and glassy, looking through Frisk instead of seeing them. A hand goes up to his head, tugging helplessly on his curls as his breathing continues picking up.

He knows what happened. He knows... it's so hard to accept it but he knows and he feels so sick to realize it. To realize yet another aspect of his past that he forgot about.

He's feels trapped, a bit like he's drowning. It's a wonder he actually manages to get his focus back on Frisk at all. Some desperate logical part of him knows he can't let a child see this, and somehow forces his mounting panic back momentarily.

"I'm... I'm okay, I just..." He grits his teeth. "I should... go."

Before Frisk finds out something they shouldn't.

[dustless]

No you're not.

They let go and move to wriggle to their knees, closer to eye-level, though that's not entirely intentional. They're just trying to look and see what they should do, but they--they don't know him well enough yet--

Actually.

"...d'you--you don't need to. I can go get Kotetsu, 'f you want." He probably knows what to do for his partner.

[ojisankink]

"Ko...tetsu?"

Kotetsu. Right. His partner. He's always known what to do in situations like this. Should he find him? Maybe he should find him. If it's alright to...

No. No, it isn't. Kotetsu was the one who took Maverick's betrayal the hardest, it seemed. He always seemed so angry whenever the man was mentioned. Barnaby understood his feelings, but that means if he gives him another reason to hate him...

"No. No, he'll get upset. I don't want him to... I can't let him know."

[dustless]

Frisk starts reeling their kite in and stands.

"You are already. I don't wanna make you go away because of that," they say, sounding more firm than they feel. If he doesn't want Kotetsu, then--it'd probably be worse to get him anyway, but Frisk can't just leave him like this.

[ojisankink]

"You aren't making me go. I have to. I just..."

He stands too, but he looks far more likely to collapse than Frisk does. He's still clutching his head, covering his ears, trying so hard to block out further realizations. He would have used his Hundred Power to leave already if he hadn't wasted it healing, but he can't stay here. He can't let Kotetsu find out more, it will only hurt him, and Barnaby can't bear being responsible for Kotetsu's suffering.

Responsible. He is responsible. But he isn't, but he's so used to accepting it, and...

He's sobbing, but he can't hear himself.

[dustless]

Oh.

Frisk...keeps reeling in their kite and keeps reeling in their mind, because this went from okay to not okay to bad really, really fast.

They could run, get Kotetsu now anyway, but that barely occurs to them. Barnaby isn't the only one with problems in regards to responsibility.

Frisk the kite flutter ten feet above them--even now they know they can't bare to lose track of it--and press against his side. "Barnaby, 's okay, it's okay, Barnaby, Barnaby-bunny, you're okay, you're okay, Barnaby, really, really, shh..." With his ears covered and their voice tiny, they doubt he can hear their words, but he might be able to glean their tone. They press their hand against his back and rub up and down his spine.

[ojisankink]

He couldn't stop it, and Barnaby harshly reminds himself that he's responsible for this too, for breaking down in front of a child who doesn't deserve to be roped into all of this. He should have gotten away sooner. Should have just turned this off before it happened.

(But emotions can't be turned off, no matter how much Maverick seemed to think so, and Barnaby can remember the condescending tone in his voice when he faced a man who had just suffered the loss of his caretaker and one of his few surviving family figures and asked him if he had calmed down yet-)

He's going to be sick. He feels something warm at his side and can only choke back a sob. His ears are covered and he's crying too loud but... but he knows Frisk is saying something, if only he can manage to listen. He puts his attention on that, very slowly tries to take his hands away as he filters out everything else but the voice. He shudders at the touch at first, but doesn't pull away.

[dustless]

They don't know if they're doing good, but they don't think they're doing bad.

What are they even saying? They're not actually listening to themselves, just focusing on what he's doing. Doesn't pull away or push them away, so that's alright. They'll keep up their back rubbing and murmuring it's okay Barnaby, you're alright Barnaby-bunny over and over.

Their eyes get hot, and they're crying a little too, but it's not affecting their voice, so they don't care.

[ojisankink]

Barnaby is starting to listen, so even if Frisk doesn't know, he does. He can hear their reassuring tone, and as he pulls his hands away from his ears to instead tug on his hair, he can hear the child's soft words. All baseless reassurances, but with his name attached, and... and they've picked up the nickname.

Kotetsu's stupid nickname was the one thing that brought him back to himself when he'd been brainwashed into thinking his partner and only friend was a murderer. Now it brings him back from the brink of a panic attack, just slightly, just enough to speak.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to see this, I didn't mean to..." He breathes out a half sigh, half sob, slumps back down onto the ground so he can bring his knees up to his chest and clutch to them instead of trying to rip out his hair.

[dustless]

Frisk's still standing. They just move to rubbing his upper back for a little bit, and then move their hand higher, petting his hair too.

This is uncomfortably familiar. (At least he's not mad and breaking stuff.)

"'S okay, Barnaby. It's okay. 'M not--not--not mad or anything. It's alright. You're okay. You're gonna be okay. Really, really really."

[ojisankink]

They're touching his hair, and it's stupid, but it feels familiar and soothing. He's always connected it with comfort, since his father would ruffle his hair and tease him about taking after his mother so much.

It's little touches like that that has ensured Barnaby's anxiety hasn't turned into utter anger right now. He's calming down, slowly. Slowly, despite every part of him wondering how Frisk can know they're going to be okay.

He breathes out another shaky, wet sigh.

"I... I don't know how long it will take. To be okay."

After twenty years of this, who knows how long it will take?

[dustless]

Pet, pet. It's soothing for them as well as Barnaby. And it makes them feel like they're doing something.

"That's okay." Pause. No, wait. Sounds weird. "I mean...it's okay you're...not, right now. You've got time to get okay." In the current situation, they mean, but it can mean in the castle too.

They swipe their eyes with their sleeve, pause again, glance at Barnaby-bunny's soaked face, and decide to use their scarf on him. Wiping off his cheeks. They move slow, though, trying not to make him any more freaked out.

[ojisankink]

He shakes his head, tries to remember to breathe through his nose, out through his mouth. This is helping. It's slow, but it's certainly helping. His heart isn't going to thump out of his chest, at least.

"Even if I do have time... I shouldn't have broken down in front of you. That's... not fair."

His eyes widen as they move their scarf towards him.

"No, you don't have to do that..."

[dustless]

"Don't worry 'bout it. I'm okay, too." They want to ask why this happened, what they did wrong in the first place, but they don't want him to start freaking out more.

Too late, he didn't push their hand down, so they're already rubbing the tears away. "Your face is wet, 'course I do. 'S not like it'll mess up my scarf or anything." Unless his superpowers include tears that melt stuff or something.

[ojisankink]

He isn't ready to tell them. He barely thinks he can tell Kotetsu, and Kotetsu worked for months to built their trust up. Frisk doesn't need to know. It will only upset them.

He huffs softly, but they keep wiping his tears despite his complaining.

"...Thank you," he finally mumbles.

[dustless]

"Welcome." A real tissue would probably be better, but it's not like there's any around here. Maybe some of the silk blankets somewhere. Not that they can just take off and find some--definitely, definitely not leaving him alone after all this.

Unknowingly, their scarf loosens and sinks down, showing their normally-hidden throat and angry scar beneath.

[ojisankink]

He wants to be left alone, but he doubts that's going to happen any time soon, with his outburst. He curses himself for going this far, especially since he knows he'll be wound up the rest of the day and won't be able to convince Frisk he's alright.

His eyes trail down the scarf until they reach Frisk's neck, and they widen at the sight of that ugly scar. He immediately pulls away from the fabric still wiping his tears.

"Are you alright?"

[dustless]

He pulls back and so do they, worried that they'd slid over a boundary or poked him in the eye or something--and then they see where he's looking.

Frisk visibly struggles with a flash of irritation. He doesn't need that right now, it's not his fault he doesn't know and is worried about it. "Yeah. 'S old. Don't worry." They tug their scarf back into place.

[ojisankink]

"...It doesn't still hurt?"

His question is quiet, unsure. They seem upset, and he doesn't want to push it, but if they need assistance with the wound, he doesn't want to just leave them like that.

[dustless]

"No. I mean, my voice does when I get loud. But that--" they jab a thumb at where it's hidden, because of course they know exactly where it is without looking or feeling for it "--doesn't. It's okay."

[ojisankink]

"...Sorry. It just looks like a nasty scar. I couldn't help but be concerned."

He's gotten plenty of nasty scars too, but that's the nature of being a hero. It shouldn't be the same for a kid.

"...What happened?"

[dustless]

It is nasty. Right across their jugular, he might notice.

"...Somebody got here, and thought getting here was my fault, and attacked me." They sigh through their nose. It's technically the truth. "I'm fine."