[open] Today's progam brought to you by the letter 'H' for 'Honesty' and 'Self-Hatred'

[notsogrimreaper]

For those who remember the posters advertising Mettaton's exciting new project, seeing another piece of paper pinned in the hallway with Ryoji's writing isn't particularly surprising. That said, there are a few things that set it apart from the flashy poster. There aren't any stars or hearts drawn here. Not even words in different colours. Just a note, all written in black ink, on paper slightly crumpled at the edges.

I haven't been entirely honest.

I've been here for several months, and this entire time I've been hiding. I haven't hid from all of you, so some of you know more than others. Some don't know how much they actually know.

But I don't think anyone has the full story.

That isn't fair. I can't keep tricking people like this. You all deserve to know what I am and what I've done before you decide to pursue a friendship with me.

I've already hurt one of you by keeping secrets. I don't want to hurt more. So I'm going to do this now, before I lose my nerve.

I'm in the courtyard if you know me and you'd like to talk to me.

-Ryoji Mochizuki

Ryoji himself will be fairly easy to find. He's left a trail of what look to be daisy petals from the entrance of the castle to the fountain in the courtyard. He's sitting on the stone edge, idly twisting a flower's stem between his fingers.

Comments

[dustless]

On one hand, that's concerning. On a few levels. What's wrong?

On another...

That trail very much reminds them of Mettaton's dramatics. So they're not sure how concerned they're actually supposed to be, here. They're mostly just bemused.

Frisk does follow it, though, all the way to Ryoji, and plop down right next to him with an expectant stare.

[notsogrimreaper]

He actually didn't notice the flower petals, and when he looks up to see Frisk sitting by him, he actually looks past them and flushes sheepishly when he sees the carnage he's left.

"...Sorry. I guess I was kind of distracted. I should clean that up..."

He laughs nervously. He's struggling to smile, but there isn't a hint of happiness in his eyes. Just guilt and nerves.

[dustless]

"It helps you get found. Seems like a Mettaton idea." Shrug.

Anyway. They pull their legs up, sit cross-legged. Frisk's a bit more in danger of falling into the water that way, they realize, but don't much care. "What's going on?"

[notsogrimreaper]

"It is the kind of thing Mettaton-san would do, huh?"

He only seems to look worse as he says that. He's silent for a long moment, then sighs.

"A lot of things. I guess... I'm just thinking about how I was when I got here. I think only you and Tauriel-san know that Thanatos is me. And I realize that... I haven't even told you why I arrived here in that form."

[mediadarling]

When Mettaton had first discovered the plain white piece of paper pinned next to his poster, his first thought was that the--copy was, in some bizarre way, trying to steal his thunder. But as soon as he came close enough to read the first line, he frowns. He knows that handwriting. A flick of a glance down to the signature at the bottom confirms it.

He reads through the note, and his frown only deepens until his gaze ends up back on Ryoji's name. He had been starting to pick up that something was bothering him, but he had no idea it was so serious.

Well, there's only one thing for it: he heads directly for the courtyard, long legs carrying him at the fastest walk he can manage.

The flower petals are a useful hint, but one he barely pays attention to. As soon as he sees that curled-in figure on the edge of the fountain, he finds he can still lengthen his strides for a last burst of speed.

"Darling, what's happened? You look terrible!"

[notsogrimreaper]

Ryoji knew that could have been the case, which is why he tried not to place his note near any posters... but he wasn't paying much attention when he hung it. He might have placed it closer to Mettaton's poster than expected.

He's not trying to gain attention, though. He's honestly been regretting the note since he put it up. So many people could come find him, so many people he's afraid to talk to.

Mettaton is perhaps the one he's most frightened to speak to, so when he spots Mettaton rushing towards him, he almost curls up tighter, avoiding eye contact even as Mettaton closes the distance between them.

"Nothing happened," he says softly, as reassuring as he can manage. "I've just... been thinking a lot."

[mediadarling]

Mettaton frowns as he seats himself next Ryoji, barely paying attention to whether he's being elegant.

"I've noticed. And frankly, beautiful, it doesn't seem like much of what you're thinking about is making you happy."

He leans forward. "Tell me what's on your mind. Whatever it is--I don't want you thinking you need to deal with it alone. Not when I'm around."

[notsogrimreaper]

Ryoji's voice trembles as much as his wavering smile when he responds.

"But that's just it. It's the fact that I'm not alone, and that so many people have gotten close to me when they shouldn't... that's what's on my mind."

He turns his gaze towards Mettaton, trying not to cry.

"Aren't you angry at me? I ran away from you when you tried to tell me how you felt. And I said on the note I lied to you. I never told you what I am."

[lightofthestars]

It is the plainness of the paper that catches her eye. Next to Mettaton's large note, it is, in its own way, a beacon.

The words written upon it are just as eye-catching for what they say. Her breathing quickens as she swiftly reads over what they say--until she reaches the name of the one who wrote the message. Her shoulders drop, and she reads the note more carefully the second time.

...Has she done this to him? Through her wish to respect him as she would one of the Rodyn, has she driven him to this?

She does not delay, but seeks him out at once.

It takes little time to do so. When she sees his sorrow--so clear even from far away--her heart presses small within her. He is meant for smiles, not this.

"Ryoji," she calls as she draws near. She says nothing more.

[notsogrimreaper]

He hadn't meant to guilt her. She wasn't at all the one who should be guilty. This was all Ryoji's fault... it was usually Ryoji's fault, in his opinion. She had simply been trying to befriend him, and he'd kept all this a secret until it ended up harming her. He should have saved her that sting by telling her far sooner.

He honestly wasn't sure if she'd come to find him, so he looks up at the sound of her voice with the faintest bit of surprise.

"...Tauriel-san," he greets. "Hello."

[lightofthestars]

"Greetings."

She stands before him, the fingers of one hand clenched in her dress. Words do not come, until she forces herself to say, "You wished to confess some secrets."

[notsogrimreaper]

"...I did. I know I explained part of it to you, but so much was lost in translation that I think it's only fair I start from the beginning."

His words are calm, and seem to come easily, despite the strain in his eyes.

[lostlegacy]

"Hey."

Sophie doesn't have a clue what's going on. She'd done her best to read the note, even if there were some words she hadn't been able to sound out--including what was written on the last line. So she'd gone to get Gee Girl to help her.

Together, they had read the note, and Gee Girl had told her what the last two words said: they were Ree-oji's name. She had asked if Sophie wanted them to talk to Ree-oji together, but she'd said no. Maybe it'd be easier if Gee Girl was there, but...she's almost eight. She needs to do this by herself.

"Gee Girl's gonna get sad if you wreck the flowers."

[notsogrimreaper]

"Hm? Oh... Sophie-chan."

He wasn't expecting someone so young to come find him, and he curses his poor judgement for putting his note where children could find it. He doesn't want to have to tell them something so scary... the adults should have kept them away from him once they heard the truth anyways.

He fights to give the girl a soft smile.

"Right, sorry. I've stopped now, don't worry. I won't wreck anymore."

[lostlegacy]

"Okay."

She folds her arms and looks him over for a moment.

"What's your secret?"

[notsogrimreaper]

"It's... that I'm not what I seem. I'm not human, I mean. I'm... actually something really, really bad, and I thought it was fair that I tell someone before they get hurt."

He sighs softly.

"Do you remember Thanatos?"

[mercybutton]

It's Flowey who catches the paper.

"What's this?… Mettaton's hosting some party stuff?"
"Yeah. I'm helping with the sound and stuff."
"Huh. Cool. What's this paper?"
"The big poster?"
"No, the small plain one. Signed by some kid named Ryoju."
"… I don't know. Can you read it for me?"

So he does.

And as much as they hate it, the message hits home. They do the same thing. Frisk hides a lot of things from most people, even family, so they don't have to worry because Frisk can take care of themself. But while Ryoji is ready to share, Frisk is not.

Flowey guides them, following the petal trail. The pair stands in the entrance to the courtyard, still hidden in the corridor shadows.



"Ryoji?"

[notsogrimreaper]

Ryoji looks up from his feet and jumps slightly to see the shadow in front of him. He swallows down his nerves and forces himself to listen a little closer, and that voice, as mature as it is, still sounds familiar.

"Frisk? Is that you?"

His voice is hoarse, like he's been crying, but it's hard to tell if he has been from his expression.

[mercybutton]

Frisk reads tone, not expression, so they can tell that Ryoji is definitely Not Okay. They lean over to the flower by their side. Looks like they're having a conversation. Eventually they leave, and after a few minutes, come back, without Flowey--this conversation is private. They left him in front of a window to photosynthesize or something.

Frisk walks into the light of the garden, carefully making their way so they don't run into anything, then arrive close to the fountain on the wrong side, perpendicular to his position.

"Sorry, yeah. That was me. Is there something you wanna talk about?"

[lostinmyway]

"Hello, dear."

It had been so hard to wait to go see Ryoji. She wanted to come see him right away to cheer him up after she helped Sophie read the sign. But Sophie had wanted to see him by herself, and so Grune had let her.

But as soon as Sophie had come back, Grune had gone to find Ryoji, without waiting even a little bit beyond what Sophie needed.

Now she sits down next to him on the edge of the fountain and gives him a soft smile to let him know that everything is all right.

"Would you like a hug?"

[notsogrimreaper]

"Grune-san."

Ryoji's voice is as soft as her smile, but not in that gentle way. Instead it just sounds strained and fragile, in danger of crumbling apart. He's been talking about all of this for so long, and all he wants now is to rest and let himself be comforted.

But he can't. As good as a hug sounds, he knows he should refuse.

"I-I don't need a hug. It's alright."

[lostinmyway]

Her head tilts slightly to the side.

"Hmm.... But would you like one?"

"Needing" and "wanting" aren't the same thing, after all. And she thinks Ryoji would very much like a hug.

[justletmewin]

"Howdy..."

Remember this fuzzball, Ryoji? Well, he's here and he's worried about you. He smiles a little, hoping it would help somewhat.

"I uh... found your letter. I think I understand how you feel. Do you want to talk about it?"

[notsogrimreaper]

"Hm? Asriel-kun..."

He curses his poor placement of that letter again, and struggles to smile for the small child. It doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"I would hope you wouldn't understand how I feel. And honestly... it's a lot to talk about. I should explain, but... it's hard."

[justletmewin]

How does he explain it? He wants Ryoji to believe that he isn't your average child who thinks he's invincible despite the lack of experience. But Asriel still feels guilty about the things he's done before waking up on the Island... it's still hard to talk about it. But Ryoji looks so sad and he doesn't need to burdened by the belief he'd push everyone away...

"It's fine. I did really bad things before coming here..." Asriel clenches his paws. "I killed people because I was curious what would happen. Because I got bored. So... whatever secret you have... it probably won't be as bad as what I've done. I won't hold it against you."