"i did want to do the right thing. i did have my reasons. but that's just it, s-4." He rests a protective hand against the back of S-4's skull, rubs a hand along his back, and aches to realize that he really does seem to have gotten thinner again. But what Sans has to say next...he has to believe it's important.
"people who have reasons for doing bad things can be some of the most dangerous people of all." They could create two children to be weapons, torture them to the point that one fell down. Sans hadn't been that bad, but...he had been cruel, and that thought scares him. He's only ever been truly cruel once before, but it's as though Chara's presence in the castle has infected and stained him with that cruelty again.
But even he can't blame that human for this. This mistake was all his own.
"i...i can't promise that i won't ever leave you again. this place doesn't always give us that choice." It hadn't with Gaster. Or at least, Sans had to believe that Gaster had somehow been sent away without a choice. The alternative was that his older brother and S-4's creator had willingly abandoned them, too, and the pain of that thought is one he can barely stand. The pain of that loss had certainly helped drive him on to these newfound heights of self-destruction, though. His eyesockets sting at the thought, tears gathering hot and fast. "i would if i could. but...even when you guys do go home, you'll be together. even if he's still asleep there, you know he'll come back. no one should ever have to leave you, s-4. getting left behind isn't something that's ever supposed to happen. it hurts and it's awful and i'm sorry and it's not your fault."
Sniffling and hiccuping a little around the tears falling down his face, Sans pulls away from the hug, just enough to look up into S-4's eyelights, enough to gather the other skeleton's hands up in both of his. Keeping their gazes locked is clearly an effort, as Sans almost trembles with anxiety at what he says next. "s-so, um, so i know i said...i'd try to take care of you like he did. but...for me, gaster's been gone for so long, and i guess i wanted to hold onto him as i remembered him. but i messed everything up. i did it all wrong and i remembered all the wrong things and...is it okay, if i'm not like gaster anymore? is it okay...if i'm just sans?"
If he's not strong and smart and just stays here with his brother instead? Sans feels as though being himself is something worthless and small, feels as though he can only ever be "just" Sans. But it's a comfortable place to be, if nothing else. He can probably at least get bedtime stories right again.
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Date: 2016-02-20 10:15 pm (UTC)"people who have reasons for doing bad things can be some of the most dangerous people of all." They could create two children to be weapons, torture them to the point that one fell down. Sans hadn't been that bad, but...he had been cruel, and that thought scares him. He's only ever been truly cruel once before, but it's as though Chara's presence in the castle has infected and stained him with that cruelty again.
But even he can't blame that human for this. This mistake was all his own.
"i...i can't promise that i won't ever leave you again. this place doesn't always give us that choice." It hadn't with Gaster. Or at least, Sans had to believe that Gaster had somehow been sent away without a choice. The alternative was that his older brother and S-4's creator had willingly abandoned them, too, and the pain of that thought is one he can barely stand. The pain of that loss had certainly helped drive him on to these newfound heights of self-destruction, though. His eyesockets sting at the thought, tears gathering hot and fast. "i would if i could. but...even when you guys do go home, you'll be together. even if he's still asleep there, you know he'll come back. no one should ever have to leave you, s-4. getting left behind isn't something that's ever supposed to happen. it hurts and it's awful and i'm sorry and it's not your fault."
Sniffling and hiccuping a little around the tears falling down his face, Sans pulls away from the hug, just enough to look up into S-4's eyelights, enough to gather the other skeleton's hands up in both of his. Keeping their gazes locked is clearly an effort, as Sans almost trembles with anxiety at what he says next. "s-so, um, so i know i said...i'd try to take care of you like he did. but...for me, gaster's been gone for so long, and i guess i wanted to hold onto him as i remembered him. but i messed everything up. i did it all wrong and i remembered all the wrong things and...is it okay, if i'm not like gaster anymore? is it okay...if i'm just sans?"
If he's not strong and smart and just stays here with his brother instead? Sans feels as though being himself is something worthless and small, feels as though he can only ever be "just" Sans. But it's a comfortable place to be, if nothing else. He can probably at least get bedtime stories right again.