Enter the reflection

[darkerstripes]

The first thing he notices is that he's no longer plugged into his charger base. He wasn't asleep- he doesn't have the need- but he'd set his senses to 'hibernate'. It passes the time faster than being alert all night, when his (caretakers? friends?) humans are asleep. He has his danger alert system on, so if something entered the apartment he would know.

Apparently the same was not true of exiting the apartment. His eyes come back online with a soft green glow and he starts in surprise. Dust, cobwebs... stone. Nothing is familiar. That isn't possible. He doesn't dream, and he sensed no change, no movement. Hesitantly, he stands, glancing around, poised at every joint to run or dodge.

No danger is apparent, no matter how many times he scans. He can't trust his sensors, though, because they didn't even detect his arrival here. How could he have been moved without noticing?

"Kotetsu?"

He calls to his host. His own voice echoes back through the room, sounding eerie as it returns to his ears from the outside. They buzz with light feedback. He frowns. If anything has happened to Kotetsu... The android feels his eyes flash red for a moment at the thought.

He can feel the anxiety rising in his wires, sparking circuits and making his voice box feel squeezed. He remembers what Barnaby taught him, about controlling fear. Breathing in three, out five. In three, out seven, in three, out ten. Focus on your physical form. Take stock of what you know is true, toss out what you're assuming. Start over.

He is in a throne room. There is no immediate danger. He is unsure how he arrived. He is unsure of Kotetsu's whereabouts. The android takes out his phone and attempts to send a message. No signal. He does another breathing exercise. He doesn't actually need the air, of course, but his body requires the pressure change to speak, and the rhythm of it soothes even his synthetic body.

All other options exhausted, he must explore and search. He opens his map program and begins with a fresh, empty blueprint. He estimates the dimensions of the room, adds in the doors. He chooses one of those doors, and begins his exploration.

Comments

[darkerstripes]

Toshi has to control a little breath of surprise when Barnaby leans on him. He wasn't expecting to be warmed up to so fast, by a Barnaby that doesn't remember him. He recalls how long it took to gain his trust before, and feels a strange mix of luckiness and guilt. His hand slowly stills, very hesitantly wrapping around the leaning hero in a supportive sort-of hug.

He probably does need some answers. They both want them, but Barnaby really deserves to go first. To understand what and who he's speaking to. Toshi makes a small awkward sound, feeling the 'despite' settle wrongly in his chassis. "Partly... mostly I learned from you." Though he was under the impression it was Kotetsu's doing that Barnaby learned how to take care of himself in the first place.

[ojisankink]

He may not remember him, but Toshi seems to remember. Enough to hold off panic attacks and hold him and always know just what to say. It's confusing, and maybe a little concerning, but selfishly, it also feels nice for someone to understand what he needs. He can't help but give in.

He curls a little closer to Toshi, listens carefully to his words.

"I suppose if anyone would be able to teach you, I'd best know what I needed..."

He sighs softly and shakes his head.

"Listen. I know you just got here. You deserve an explanation, and I'll give it to you... I just really can't figure out who you are."

[darkerstripes]

Toshi remembers so much about Barnaby. Months of secret planning. Fighting by his side. Being taken in, finally, and trusted. Learning how to human with him, learning about how to be a hero. Protecting each other and becoming close friends. Risking his existence for Barnaby's sake, and losing himself under Adam's knife... being saved, again, and finding freedom permanently. Falling in love...

He shakes himself back to the present, warmed to the core from the way Barnaby is so close. He wants to give him anything and everything he needs. Toshi wants to be a good friend. A good companion. He... selfishly misses the easy affection he'd started to have back home.

"I understand." With his previous encounters with memory problems... Barnaby would be especially sensitive to not remembering someone. Helping him deal is more important. Most important. "Perhaps we... haven't met yet, for you." He's gotten that far in realizing things. Not everyone here was... spirited away at the same time.

How does he explain his existence from the beginning? It would only upset Barnaby more. "I am unit H-13, nicknamed Toshi by Kotetsu Kaburagi. I was designed to reflect his skills and attributes. I am your friend."

[ojisankink]

He wishes so badly he could remember even a fraction of what this Kotetsu does. If he knew at least a portion of it, maybe he wouldn't feel so guilty for forgetting. Maybe he'd be more confident this was just a case of differing timelines, rather than a case of someone being wiped clean from his mind.

He wants to know, since it seems so important to the other man. But at least he can be told, and maybe he'll start to truly remember later.

"I dearly hope that's the case, rather than it being proof I've forgotten something else." He offers a shaky grin. "As strange as that sounds."

But even his gentle teasing fades into complete shock at even the beginning of an explanation.

"You... you were an H unit? Like the ones we fought?" He bristles instinctively, before letting himself hear the rest of the android's statement. "Kotetsu... nicknamed you. And you became friends with us."

He's not sure he should believe that, but... but someone that wasn't a friend would have used his weakened mental state as a chance to attack or kill Barnaby, not as a chance to comfort him.

"Why were you designed to look like him?" Was he another more realistic copy? Meant to take over when H-01 failed?

[darkerstripes]

Toshi wishes Barnaby knew him as well. He wishes with a terrible ache, a pain that stabs each time he looks at Barnaby's face and sees confusion there, sees that lack of remembering. He knows this must be even harder on the hero, though, so he locks that all very tightly away. Barnaby needs him, and he suffers more from this than the android does.

He doesn't think it's forgetting... the forgetting looks and feels different, from his observations. But time may tell. The facts are, Barnaby doesn't know him, and needs to be told. "It doesn't sound strange." It really doesn't. It makes perfect sense.

Oof he knew this explanation wouldn't be pretty. He tries not to wince, nods instead. Yes, an H unit like the other battle units. Yes you fought them. Yes, Kotetsu adopted him and gave him a name... a nickname, but a name nonetheless. He's somewhat tensed, ready for Barnaby to reject that as too unlikely. He will leave, if he's too suspicious and unwelcome. No matter how much it hurts.

Nothing could hurt the way that question does. Toshi recalls the pain on Barnaby's face when he first learned, back home, what Toshi's purpose was. He swallows hard, unable to make words work. "I was. Designed to function as an... obedient replacement for Wild Tiger. My... creator... coveted..." He can't finish it. He swallows again and stares into the middle distance.

[ojisankink]

This must be painful for Toshi. If Barnaby knew how bad it was, he would help, but his panic makes him less observant, and so Toshi manages to keep his feelings secret for now. Maybe he'll get Toshi to open up to him the way Kotetsu did... but it will obviously take time.

He thinks it should sound strange, even if he's used to bizarre explanations by now, but... considering the fact that Toshi is from a world like his, perhaps he's seen enough bizarre things to be able to accept this.

Barnaby, on the other hand, isn't sure how to accept any of this. He doesn't want to reject Toshi, not at all, but he isn't ready to accept this either. Can he really trust something that was made to turn against them?

SHould he really be blaming Toshi for that?

That pain returns, a horrified look forming on Barnaby's face. "You were..." He doesn't want to voice it either. He's going to be sick just imagining it. Someone wanted Kotetsu to themselves, and thought that meant they should design one in his image to obey him?

"Who was your creator?" he finally spits out. He has a feeling he knows which organization they were a part of, but he can't imagine who would desire Kotetsu in that way.

[darkerstripes]

Opening up is something he has done for Barnaby, and would be willing to do again... given time. He's too worried about the hero for now, and too fussed over how this revelation will affect him all over again. He will remain stoic for Barnaby's sake for the foreseeable future. Even if he can't manage to say the right thing at all, anymore.

It's a lot to have to accept. Toshi will leave him be, let himself be rejected, if that is what Barnaby needs and asks of him. Just a simple request and he will be gone. He's almost tempted to leave anyway, with the way Barnaby is looking at him. That look of horror hurts terribly.

As does the question. Memories of Adam flash before Toshi's eyes and he reacts far more than he means to. He doesn't even realize he's making a pathetic sound of pain and fear, as he curls away from Barnaby and looks down to hide his face in hair. He's shaking, a little, half lost to the past and half present.

His voice is small. "Adam Brooks."

[ojisankink]

He wants to stay stoic for Barnaby's sake, but unfortunately, just saying this much is too much for Barnaby to handle. Even two simple words can shatter Barnaby's entire psyche. Or more, one word.

'Brooks.' That's his last name. The last name of his dead parents. As far as he knows, all of his relatives are dead, and there are none that are connected to the Brooks family name besides him now. He knows this. So why did someone with his last name create this android?

He'd like to hope it was a different Brooks. It's a common last name... but he knows he can't believe that.

He takes a step back from Toshi. He's shaking too, and his expression is no longer just a look of horror, but it is twisted with rage. Part of him wants to accuse Toshi of lying... but he can't be. He wouldn't lie about his own creator.

"And who is Adam Brooks?" His voice is deceptively even, almost emotionless, despite his anger and disbelief.

[darkerstripes]

It almost doesn't matter that Barnaby can't stay stoic. Toshi is too busy trying to keep himself grounded, too worried and anxious on all levels about sharing this truth that he can't observe as well as he should. He can't even look at Barnaby.

Since this Barnaby doesn't know him... he wouldn't know the truth of Ouroboros, would he? He might still be missing the memories of his twin brother, taken away for an entirely different purpose by Maverick and raised into a monster. Toshi is a monster too, for making him learn this now. Learn it like this.

He glances up, sees Barnaby's face, and looks back down in despair. He shouldn't have said this, shouldn't have said anything. Should have made something up or been vague... He can't back out now.

"Your brother. Taken by Ouroboros, made invisible by Maverick..." It was all Maverick's chess game from the beginning, but Adam turned out far more twisted than even the chessmaster himself. Toshi keeps his face in his hands, struggling against tears.

[ojisankink]

He's not the only one who's anxious. Barnaby's earlier anxiety is rapidly returning, and he's unable to follow Toshi's guidelines to avoid the panic now. He's too angry for that. He doesn't want to listen to anything this robot says.

He's a liar. He has to be lying. There's no way any of this could have actually happened. There isn't a fragment of it left in his memories.

(Because Maverick took away any trace of them, and Barnaby was left never knowing he even had a brother.)

There's no way he'd have a brother.

(Because Maverick obviously would have hidden the birth records and any extra photos. He had made Kotetsu disappear, why not Barnaby's own brother?)

There's no way Ouroboros hasn't fallen.

(Maverick said nothing about being at the head of Ouroboros, but both he and Kotetsu had assumed...)

"I... don't remember having a brother. I... no. It's impossible. None of this adds up." It all does, and he's just too horrified to admit it. "You're telling me I had a brother who was able to program a robot on his own? Why would he even want Kotetsu? What would he have been planning? I should have heard of him, if he was part of Ouroboros, and I was investigating them..."

[darkerstripes]

Toshi knows exactly what he's done, now. Provoked Barnaby's fears and trauma over memory loss all over again. And this time he can't coax it away, because this time there is something missing, and Toshi is the source of the incompatibility in what Barnaby knows.

Toshi is the problem.

He can practically hear the downward spiral Barnaby is on, and it physically hurts. Emotions are so difficult and hard and painful and sometimes, like right now, he wishes Emily and Barnaby Sr hadn't written their H system AI with the capability for them.

"I'm sorry." He is, so incredibly sorry for so many things. "Not entirely on his own, no. The basic H system intelligence was written by Doctors Emily and Barnaby Brooks. Adam started with that." And made many alterations, including disabling, or attempting to, so much of what the Brooks originally designed to make their AIs as human as possible. "He did design much of the advanced mechanisms that made me possible..." The half-biological half-synthetic skin, the water retention system that gave him sweat, saliva... programs Barnaby doesn't need to know about right now.

He doesn't know how to reply to the other questions. He curls up small, his voice growing weaker and shakier every sentence. "Adam was well hidden. Invisible. He did not have a healthy mind." He was twisted beyond all humanity, a being only of jealousy and blood-stained desire, but even Toshi can't bring himself to say it.

[ojisankink]

Either this is something that never will happen to Barnaby, or it's a memory that has been locked away behind so many mental walls of trauma and manipulation. Either way, it leaves Barnaby firmly in denial, unable to take a moment to find out which is which.

He doesn't want to feel this. Angry and appalled and nauseous and horrified and miserable. He doesn't know whether to feel these things for the android in front of him or because of the android.

A brother. He had a brother. Who had access to his parents' research and was able to design something that looked so much like Kotetsu...

But it's not. It's not him. And he's not real, and he isn't telling the truth.

If Barnaby accepts that he's telling the truth, then he has to accept that he couldn't save his brother from falling into madness. That Maverick had hurt someone else important to him.

"If he wasn't healthy, he would have come after me. I don't believe this," he hisses out between clenched teeth.

[darkerstripes]

Toshi should have known that denial would be the result. He knows Barnaby well, or he claims to, he should. The haunting memory that the H systems were designed to protect heroes... to protect Barnaby jr. He has failed in his most basic, original purpose. He failed his secondary, manipulated purpose.

He has failed the purpose he chose for himself. He's failed every single purpose he's ever taken on. He's a failure. A destructive, broken tool. All he ever does is hurt the humans he's meant to care for.

Glancing up at Barnaby is a mistake. Toshi doesn't have the capacity or a reason to vomit, but he thinks he understands the meaning of nausea, after that sight.

His voice is so, so small, and cracking and broken. "He did..." He did go after Barnaby. After years of planning, with the perfect plot to replace him. Toshi whimpers.

[ojisankink]

The admission Toshi makes next is a mistake. It only makes Barnaby falter for a moment, shocked and horrified by the implications of what a psychotic, forgotten twin would do once he got his hands on his brother, before it turns right back into rage.

"If he did, then he must have used you to get at me, right? He used you to trick me. How am I supposed to believe you now? You could just be waiting for a chance to attack again!"

He looks furious. He doesn't know what he's really feeling, so he just focuses on the fury, not on his confusing infinite circle of logic, going around and around like a snake eating its tail, not on the fact that he's turning on someone that moments ago he inherently felt he could trust.

He's shaking his head, stepping back, ignoring the dizziness in his head and the pain in his heart.

"I have to get away from you."

[darkerstripes]

Everything Toshi has done in the last ten minutes is a mistake. Toshi is a mistake. The calm before the rage storm only brings with it an icy cold feeling of terror.

Then the rage does come, and with it words that cut right to his robotic non-beating heart. Of course Barnaby's assumptions are correct, all of them. Toshi was the major tool of that plan. Adam used him to get to Barnaby more than once. Toshi is the reason, the weak link that made all that pain possible.

And now he's bringing that pain to a Barnaby that may never even have had to face it. Destruction, pain, failure. That is all Toshi brings and does and is. A dry, raking sob shakes his whole body.

He's way ahead of you, Barnaby. He needs to be away from you, you need to be away from him. He needs to protect all humans from himself. Wonderful, incredible humans. All he ever does is hurt them.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...."

He springs into action from his curled position, taking off at a speedwalk in the opposite direction of Barnaby. He will take himself far, far away where he can't hurt anyone else again.

[ojisankink]

Barnaby's anger has never been a good sign. Toshi's only blessing is that it's less hurtful and violent than Adam's. He doesn't try to rip the robot apart, doesn't use him or abuse him. He just... leaves. Even before he walks away, he's sealing himself up, stopping himself from speaking or sobbing, plugging his ears to the apology, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to look the copy of Kotetsu in the eyes anymore.

He does hear the footsteps, though, head farther and farther away. He waits until things are silent and then waits even longer, before turning and heading towards Kotetsu's room. There's got to be an answer, there has to be an explanation.

And he did not leave that answer to hide away from him.