High in the Tower / They Sit by the Hour

[buttercup_eater]

((trigger warnings for things like suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, and general mental instability. chara is not a happy camper in this.))

At some point after Tauriel locks them up, Chara falls asleep. They don't remember doing so, nor are they sure how long they sleep. All they know is waking up swathed in sheets and a worn blanket, with the light of a sunrise falling across their face.
 

 

The sunlight pisses them off.

 

Everything seems to make them angry at first, even things that they know on a logical level are inconsequential. The bedside stand with the wobbly leg annoys them, so they smash it against the wall. An empty flowerpot kept on the windowsill irritates Chara with its sheer pointless emptiness, so they throw it across the room, where it shatters into hundreds of clay shards. The spare candles in the closet fall to the ground and make an aggravating rattling noise when they roll across the floor after Chara accidentally dislodges them, so they scrape a few against a corner of the room until they're reduced to nothing more than a pile of wax shavings and wicks, then toss the rest out the window in a fit of frustrated impatience.

 

Eventually they run out of things they can easily break, so they work off their constant simmer of rage by spending the days pacing around and around the tiny tower room, slamming themselves into the walls whenever the urge takes them. At one point they notice a hangnail on one of their fingers and bite it off, and that slowly turns into a regular habit, biting and chewing the skin around their nails until their fingers grow quite raw and unpleasant looking.

 

Anyone who tries to visit them during this period is met with nothing but hostility.

 

They stay awake for long periods of time, silently prowling their room until they grow too exhausted to stand, and then they sleep, restlessly dreaming of dust and poison and chasing and being chased.

 

(A few dreams manage to stand out, however, ones where things aren't entirely awful and, strangely, they usually involve speaking with the residents of the castle, such as Frisk or Grune. Chara doesn't mention these dreams to anyone.)

 

* * *

 

Bit by bit, the exhaustion manages to even overtake the rage.

 

Chara ceases their pacing entirely and stops trying to break the furniture, although they do push their bed right up to the window so that they can sit there and lean on the windowsill. They spend their days watching the clouds drift through the sky and biting their fingers, until one of their guards- a big hairy beast with wings called the Batman- gives them a pair of brown leather gloves to help them stop. After that they work on curbing their tendencies and spend their time staring out the window sans finger biting.

 

And while they don't become amiable, the boredom grows bad enough that they stop putting deliberate effort into driving any visitors away. Watching someone talk at you is better than nothing, they suppose.

 

Chara wonders if that's a sign that they've been in the tower too long.

 

 

* * *

 

They come to the decision that they need to start experimenting. They already know they can't force their way out of the tower, but they know a possible loophole they can test: What happens if they die?

 

Chara's not sure if they will wake up outside the tower or not, but they at least know they don't necessarily wake up in the same location as their body and it's not as if they have anything to lose by trying.

 

Of course, finding a method is difficult. There's nothing to poison themselves with, the bars prevent them from jumping out of the tower, and the guards are careful to keep sharp objects away from them.

 

In the end, they choose a rather passive suicide method: they stop eating and drinking.

 

Any water and food they get given is ignored until Chara's guards turn their backs, after which Chara calmly scrapes everything into the privy. They think they read once that a human will die after three days without water and food- or was that three weeks? Three months? In the spirit of scientific curiosity, they decide to pay more careful attention to the passage of time.

 

Oddly, their decision seems to cheer them up. They start to find little things to keep them occupied. They push their bed back against the wall and save crumbs of bread and similar things to scatter on the windowsill, in the hopes of attracting birds to watch. When they have the energy, they do push-ups. On the occasion that neither of their guards are around they sing snippets of songs they can remember- or even when their guards are around, albeit under their breath.

 

And maybe, just maybe, they receive the odd visitor to distract them from the growing pains in their stomach.

Comments

[dustless]

Chara might think it sounds dumb, but Frisk-- "Makes sense. I thought that was gonna happen, too. Or something like that, at least to the start of when I got here, 'cause there wasn't a way to SAVE. Nothing I was sure about." They thought they might've been able to make a couple when they were having particularly good days. But 'might've' didn't feel good enough for them to willingly walk into the knife.

Thunk. Frisk jumps in place.

They can't tell what Chara's thinking about, but throwing things does not match up with their...attempt at sounding like they don't care at all. Even if Frisk's pretty sure whatever their thoughts are don't hold some sort of secret regret for killing them.

"'Happily' is relative," they mutter, not entirely expecting Chara to hear it.

[buttercup_eater]

Chara curls up into a ball, resting their head on their knees, and stares at the bowl from where it's landed on the floor. They feel like a spring that's been twisted up too tight. It can't all be blamed on the other child but they've surely given Frisk enough to mull over by now- why doesn't they just leave Chara alone already?

They don't catch exactly what it is that Frisk mutters, but they do get a bit of the tone, and just the fact that Frisk speaks at all. Half of Chara wants to ignore it, and the other half is irritated by the possibility of missing something.

They compromise by telling Frisk "If you've got something to say, say it so I can hear you," in a bored tone of voice.

[dustless]

"...you know, that's kind of hard to do a lot now," they say dryly. They were never loud to begin with, but Chara's why they're even worse, and they're can't completely disregard how frustrating that can be.

"An' you know, we're the first people who died here, too." Had they said so before? Probably, when they were talking about the graves. The consequences, though--happily is relative because of that.

Frisk's not exactly sorry that they were the first to die, or that Chara was the second. They're used to it, Chara's used to it, they can handle it better than anyone else in the castle could've. But if someone else had before, or if Frisk had in some other way...people wouldn't have had to freak out so badly.

[buttercup_eater]

Shamefully, it actually takes Chara a moment to realize what exactly Frisk is referring to. "Right. That line on your neck," they say. "Strange, is it not? We never kept any of our injuries before." Perhaps it's an aspect of Chara's soul; they don't think they retained even a scratch of what Sans did to them. But it's just another mystery in an increasingly long line of them.

Huh. Not surprising that nobody's died. Chara has the impression nobody's been here for very long, and everyone here acts like they're too righteous to kill anyone- outside of deserving inhuman things like Chara, of course.

"Do you think we're still the only ones who can come back?" Chara asks, their tone almost conversational considering the subject matter.

[dustless]

"And in my chest an' back. Really strange." Frisk doesn't sound particularly bothered about those. Getting those stabs hurt, but all the scars do is catch on their shirt sometimes.

Frisk starts drumming their fingers over their knee. Soundless but soothing. "Maybe. Dunno. There's no SAVE, not even somebody elses', like Flowey. ...Not the same kind. Castle's weird."

[buttercup_eater]

"There too?" Chara says, in a tone of mild surprise. The scar on Frisk's neck was the only one they saw- though the ones on Frisk's chest and back would be under their shirt, duh. "Hm. In that case. I wonder if I caused permanent damage to your internal organs." Chara suspects nobody would have told them if that had happened.

They shrug, even though Frisk can't see it. "You know, perhaps we shouldn't be surprised. The Underground was the only place I ever heard of anyone being able to SAVE."

[dustless]

Frisk squeaks. That's the only word that can come close to describing their sound of surprise. Even though their throat was messed up, they hadn't suspected a thing about the rest of where they were stabbed.

"No? ...Don't think so?" they amend. "Just my voice isn't working good. Maybe it's 'cause that killed me all the way, not the other stuff." Though the rest of it certainly helped.

Anyway. "Yeah. Wonder why. All the monster magic down there?"

[buttercup_eater]

Now that's an amusing (and slightly startling) sound. Chara laughs, not bothering to try and keep it quiet. If Frisk is offended by being laughed at, that's too bad for them.

Chara does think over Frisk's suggestion, briefly. It still doesn't explain why Chara revived relatively unscathed... Honestly, they could fill an entire book with the unanswered questions they have at this point.

"Let me propose a new theory:" Chara says, "You just have terrible luck."

And in regards to Frisk's speculating about the Underground, Chara suggests: "Monsters also have terrible luck."

[dustless]

They make a noise in response--mleh. Since Chara won't actually be able to see if they stick their tongue out.

"...that's not a...good theory. Notta explanation at all. Luck's not a thing. Not back home, anyway. I guess it might be here."

More rhythmic tapping. "Underground has to do with Determination. But I dunno how it works. How you can put it in...needles...and stuff." They're sort of assuming Chara made it down into the True Lab, too. Sans did say they killed everyone.

[buttercup_eater]

There's a slight temptation to make a mleh noise back and louder, but Chara suppresses it on the grounds that they're too mature for that.

"It explains matters more than any of your theories have. Thus far."

And then there's a moment where Chara wonders if they misheard Frisk. "Needles?" they echo. "What on Earth are you talking about?"

[dustless]

"Saying 'everybody's luck sucks' isn't a 'splanation."

Rustle, rustle--they're moving to kneel and peek in through the door lock again. Chara's voice sounded weird.

"Needles. You know. To inject Determination. The lab?" Maybe they'd been too...busy...to read all the entries on the walls.

[buttercup_eater]

Chara also has to bite back an is so, again on the grounds of they're Much More Mature Than You, Frisk.

Frisk won't see much- just Chara, sitting under the window, hugging their knees and staring at the door with an incredulous expression. They aren't bothering to hide that they have no idea what Frisk is going on about.

"Inject deter- What, in the place with the catgirl poster? Are you referring to some sort of outlandish anime? I didn't have time for such pursuits when I was going through the Underground, Frisk."

[dustless]

Anime. They snort a little.

"No, under there. There's--the elevator where the 'bathroom' is, remember? To the other lab?" they press. "There was stuff on the walls that talked about Determination. How the Amalgamates happened." Frisk hesitates. "...and Flowey."

[buttercup_eater]

Amalgamate. That stirs up a sense of familiarity, but the rest of it...

"...You're speaking of things we never saw in my timeline," Chara says. "It means nothing to me."

Well, not quite. They may never have been down there, but whatever that 'stuff' was, it sounds important. Chara wishes they could ask more but they hesitate; nothing's stopping Frisk from withholding that information, if they're not just making stuff up.

In the end, they shrug. "Talk about it if you like, but don't expect me to have any answers for you."

[dustless]

"Oh."

Frisk slips out of sight again. Now they're leaning against the door, cheek solidly planted against the wood, as if that'll steady them.

"I don't expect that. There's...a lot of stuff down there. Determination can be put in needles. And needles..."

Pause. Should they talk about it? It'll probably come out later, in some way or another.

And Asriel...

They catch themselves reaching towards where their locket isn't, again, and instead lightly dig a nail into their scar.

"...If I tell you, you can't use it. To be...to hurt Alphys. If she ever comes here."

[buttercup_eater]

"I see you've picked a suitably dramatic point to drop off," Chara comments, shifting their position and folding their arms. They narrow their eyes at the Frisk-less keyhole.

What Frisk says next earns a thoughtful noise.

"I can't promise a thing like that," they say. "Hurting people is what I do." As Sans and Mrs. Pointy Ears and Mettaton and all the other people at the castle have no doubt informed Frisk of. Repeatedly and/or at length. The purpose of their reincarnation, the only thing they've ever been good for, the thing that everybody picks up on sooner or later.

[dustless]

Hey, Frisk can't help where their words trail off. They're just thinking, mulling. They're talking out loud more and more here in the castle than they ever did back home.

"Doesn't need to be. 'Specially when...all the stuff that happened was just an accident, when she was working on stuff for Asgore that could get monsters out faster."

Because that goal, at least, matters to Chara, Frisk is sure. They killed themselves for that, and Frisk knows it, and Chara knows that Frisk knows it. Even if...they killed monsters after being brought back, too. Made by that weird other.

chara being rude again

[buttercup_eater]

It's a little odd, really, listening in on Frisk's thought processes. They had some insights very early on in their journey through the underground, but Frisk went away so early...

"I can honestly say. Unless "the stuff" is immediately relevant, I won't intentionally rub it in Dr. Alphys's face. Presuming she even shows up," Chara says. "And if that isn't good enough for you, then. Shut up. And stop being cryptic."

They're the only one who's supposed to be cryptic around here.

good thing frisk barely cares

[dustless]

That's as good a response as Frisk's probably going to get, so they decide to go with it. "It was. Thank you." And that 'thank you' was genuinely not sarcastic. Little tired-sounding, though.

"Determination...the thing that humans have that monsters don't." As far as Frisk knows. "Alphys...got some? Made some? I dunno, but she had some, and she used it. Experiments. To see if they could get power of human SOULS without having to have humans and...stuff..."

As they speak, they remember the DT Extraction Machine. And wonder where she really got it.

That's not important right now.

"So. She used it," they repeat, voice going clinical. "On monsters that fell down. It worked after she used a lot of it, she thought. They didn't die. But then--then they melted, a bunch of monsters in the lab, 'cause of the Determination. Into monsters all mixed together, and they're called Amalgamates." They decide not to say that their Chara found them frightening.

"And...sometime...she, she got the idea to put Determination into something else. Something alive and not with a SOUL. And she used the first golden flower that grew in Asgore's garden for that."

frisk u are 2 chill

[buttercup_eater]

Frisk thanks them. Frisk actually thanks Chara and they're genuinely not sure if it's sincere or not because it doesn't sound sarcastic and they do go on to provide exposition, but "I won't intentionally rub it in Dr. Alphys's face if the subject isn't immediately relevant," is a far cry from the (they presume) desired "I promise never to hurt Dr. Alphys with this information ever."

But they don't really know how to ask about it and anyway, Frisk has other stuff to say, so Chara just ignores it.

The first thing the other child brings up is that ever important subject, Determination. They describe it as something humans have, something that monsters don't- another part where their timelines differ. Chara thinks of Undyne the Undying, and they almost smile.

Then Frisk goes on to describe how Dr. Alphys somehow obtained some Determination, for experimental purposes. Although they don't know where exactly she got it. The first logical seeming answer that jumps into Chara's head is the six human souls that were in the underground before Frisk, although if true then the exact method of how she could have extracted Determination from them- especially without risking damaging the hopes and dreams of monsterkind- is yet another mystery.

More disconcerting is what Determination apparently did to the fallen monsters. Melting isn't entirely unexpected (they remember Undyne again) but melting into each other? Chara can't even picture that.

And then, apparently, Dr. Alphys tried something else.

Something involving a golden flower.



"Flowey."

They feel strangely calm. Like they're floating in warm water, watching a few more bits and pieces of information click into place. Asriel, now a soulless golden flower. A flower, like the ones which had had seeds sticking to them when they'd dissolved into dust back home in the throne room. The flowers which had been able to take root in various places in the Underground. And Determination, a substance that gave you control over time and death. Flowey.

v(-_-)v

[dustless]

"Flowey," Frisk repeats.

They don't know how much Chara knows about that. Flowey thought Frisk was them--he probably thought the same with...Chara-as-the-maybe-dead-Frisk. Asriel didn't call them anything but idiot until the end of their second RESET, after all. He probably tried to kill them too, just like he did Frisk.

Except this time it really was Chara.

...They'll save asking about that for a little later.

"She didn't know. 'Bout Flowey, that he existed. Just one day, the flower disappeared. Then she had all the Amalgamates to take care of."

[buttercup_eater]

"So you worked it out."

Their voice is flat- Chara's voice is usually on the monotonous side, but right now it sounds entirely toneless.

Funny. They'd known on some level that they should have cared about everything that Asriel- that Flowey was telling them, back at New Home. About losing his SOUL, being a flower, not feeling anything. About dying. About killing. About how only Chara, somehow, would be enough. But they hadn't. And with the end in sight, and Flowey still going on about the past...

"How much did Flowey tell you?"

[dustless]

Maybe they should be worried about that. Frisk sounds more clinical than they usually do, though. This is...an important subject, after all. And Chara isn't what they'd call an okay person, anyway.

"Tell me?" Frisk isn't sure what Chara might be looking for. Flowey didn't really tell them anything except all the kill or be killed stuff. Asriel told them some things, but...

They'll be honest. "Not...lots, I guess. Who he was, near the end. And then that was just 'cause he thought I was you for a long time." There's an undertone of question in their voice--what did Chara think Asriel might've told them?

[buttercup_eater]

Ah, yes, the whole Frisk-and-Chara confusion thing. Chara wonders just what Flowey had made of Chara apparently showing up so many years later with an entirely different appearance.

But by the sound of it, Frisk's timeline's Flowey didn't wind up telling Frisk the... things they talked to Chara about. Things that are a little more personal than Chara supposes would be appropriate- well, it's not that they care about that but they can't think of a point in bringing it up anyway.

"Hmm." Chara thinks for a moment, before adding a non-committal "Understood." They can tell there's a questioning undertone in Frisk's voice, but they don't have to tell Frisk anything. In fact, Chara falls into silence afterwards.

[dustless]

Frisk waits for something else to be said, but there's nothing, and there's nothing, and...they're tired, suddenly. Like they could go to sleep with their face on the door and not wake up for a week.

"...maybe the castle has its own kind of Determination," they say, once they eventually remember what they'd been talking about before, mostly. "In everything. 'Cause we died and came back later. And stuff that gets ate is...sort of reset, so all the cake in the big room and the fruit in the gardens comes back."