"hey." Sans very carefully doesn't frown, just keeps his expression one of utter concern. He reaches out to stroke a hand soothingly over the top of S-4's skull, and manages to meet his brother's eyelights without flinching. "it isn't your fault, s-4. none of this is. you tried to help me. i wouldn't let you. you...you can try as hard as you can to help people, you can want to help them with all your soul. but sometimes...people don't want to be helped. i didn't, for...for a while." He'd thought it would be easier that way. He'd thought he would be stronger that way. He'd been an idiot, and S-4 had suffered for it.
And now that he's offered the necessary reassurances, staying strong becomes a good deal harder. Sans knows what he's building towards saying next. S-4 needs to know what happened, doesn't he? He needs to know what a mess Sans is capable of being, what sort of monster is nevertheless going to try and take care of him and Sans-Serif. But just the idea of admitting how badly off he'd been, how far he'd almost fallen, seems equal parts terrifying and shameful.
His hands shake a little, clenching tightly in the fabric of S-4's shirt. Sans takes several deep breaths, even as tears start to gather anew in his eyesockets.
"but...but i do, now. i know i need help, now." There's a note of pleading in his voice, as though to beg S-4 to accept the sincerity in his voice. "i almost...god, s-4, i almost..." Sans' voice fails him with a whimper. He'd had the point driven home with merciless clarity that his own innate tendency towards self-destruction didn't just affect him, anymore. He'd gotten so angry and he hadn't thought and Frisk had almost...Sans had almost...
There's no keeping hold of his composure, and so Sans stops trying. He just wraps his arms tightly around S-4, presses his face against his brother's ribcage, and tells the rest of the story in as brutally a succinct fashion as he can. "followed frisk when they went to talk to chara. got angry. tried to kill chara again. they saw me coming. took frisk hostage. said...said they'd let 'em go if i..."
And then he sobs. "...i almost shot myself, bro. they told me to, and...and i almost did it and i would have if frisk hadn't made a break for it and i'm still so scared that chara's going to find someone else..." He can't go back to living like he had before. He doesn't know how he can even keep getting up every day with that demon in the castle with his brothers and his friends. Everything ended the last time Chara appeared.
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And now that he's offered the necessary reassurances, staying strong becomes a good deal harder. Sans knows what he's building towards saying next. S-4 needs to know what happened, doesn't he? He needs to know what a mess Sans is capable of being, what sort of monster is nevertheless going to try and take care of him and Sans-Serif. But just the idea of admitting how badly off he'd been, how far he'd almost fallen, seems equal parts terrifying and shameful.
His hands shake a little, clenching tightly in the fabric of S-4's shirt. Sans takes several deep breaths, even as tears start to gather anew in his eyesockets.
"but...but i do, now. i know i need help, now." There's a note of pleading in his voice, as though to beg S-4 to accept the sincerity in his voice. "i almost...god, s-4, i almost..." Sans' voice fails him with a whimper. He'd had the point driven home with merciless clarity that his own innate tendency towards self-destruction didn't just affect him, anymore. He'd gotten so angry and he hadn't thought and Frisk had almost...Sans had almost...
There's no keeping hold of his composure, and so Sans stops trying. He just wraps his arms tightly around S-4, presses his face against his brother's ribcage, and tells the rest of the story in as brutally a succinct fashion as he can. "followed frisk when they went to talk to chara. got angry. tried to kill chara again. they saw me coming. took frisk hostage. said...said they'd let 'em go if i..."
And then he sobs. "...i almost shot myself, bro. they told me to, and...and i almost did it and i would have if frisk hadn't made a break for it and i'm still so scared that chara's going to find someone else..." He can't go back to living like he had before. He doesn't know how he can even keep getting up every day with that demon in the castle with his brothers and his friends. Everything ended the last time Chara appeared.