I Am The Eighth (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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castle_perrault2017-02-12 01:54 pm
itstheend) wrote in castle_perrault2017-02-12 01:54 pm
[Post-Event Post] I don't need safety, I've grown up
They wake up.
They wake up, and for a moment it's a confusion as two sets of impulses try to sit up, try to roll over, what is this why can't I move-
It all comes flooding back, and the thrashing, twitching body goes still, glassy eyed, panting.
*...
*Hi Chara.
Breathe. Breathe.
Chara groans and presses their palms to their eyes. There's a dual storm of self-loathing here, turbulence kicked up by the past crashing into the future. Things that neither wanted to come to light, exposed. Breathe.
Well then. Damage control. Lock this all away and focus on getting up. They've been sleeping under a bench in the chapel this past month - they touch the back of their head with their fingers where they just cracked it on the pew. Didn't notice, in the heat of the moment. It seems that the Castle always shoves Frisk back into Chara.
They get up, and start walking - no particular destination, but places they are avoiding. The library. The balcony. The swings, certain spots in the garden, the kitchens. They just need to run, and they do, and when running's not enough, when their legs burn and their lungs are filled with knives from the cold air they screech to a halt and scream and punch a window, bright glass shattering, before turning on a vase. Anything inanimate nearby is getting destroyed.
Frisk makes no move to stop them.
For Poke-Frisk and Sparks:
There's something that needs to be done, and it has to be done sooner rather than later. Frisk would prefer to give the apology in person but... that would raise some questions they don't think Chara would particularly want to answer right now.
While they do have control over the body (it aches - Chara themself has retreated to a ball at the far back, spent) they spend some time making enquiries - they don't know where the Frisk with red eyes and the dog monster live, and need to to slide this under a door. They've written an apology letter (and not a Bureau of Communication one).
They feel terrible about attacking Sparks - they're pretty sure that was Sparks, even if he looked different - and it profusely says so.
this kid has no chill or grace to give also cw suicide stuffs
Lost all right to judge him? No. His compassion on someone else's behalf makes them feel sick and angry and aching - inexplicably wounded, and they hate it, that part of them that thinks 'what makes Frisk so special?'. Why does Frisk get the apology, when Gaster hasn't even done anything to them? But they already know, don't they? They're the demon. They exist to cause and accept pain. They don't even like apology.
"There are some things. That are worse. Than that. Would you not agree, Doctor?"
They will not take Frisk with them. Frisk's presence has been the anchor keeping them from the Edge, over and over again. But events here do separate them, apparently. They have only to wait.
*Chara...
*I don't want that either!
Well it's a good thing they don't care what Frisk wants! They can go live with this Gaster that seems to like them so much, and be a happy family or some such thing, without Chara's poisonous presence!
They don't bother trying to dissuade him of the fact. They're a murderer, plain and simple, and it doesn't matter if they spare even one, that deserved stain is never coming off.
*...
"I will judge you as much as I please. This does not compare."
and of course cw for endless body horror
A fist-sized droplet of... matter drips off his back, falling upwards and then downwards in defiance of all things sane. Disgusting, and the rest of him hasn't quit flowing in odd ways. Is this what you want to become, Chara?
He has four hands to sign with now. Two simultaneous conversations frantically begin, the urge to shout breaking through the haze he's found himself trapped in. What the hell has he done because he told the truth? Why, why, why does he never learn?
[You cannot! At no point did I say it was painless! There is nothing worse, you can't possible imagine what it is, how very very long it will last--]
[Frisk, you must do everything you can to stop them--do you see me? It should never happen again to anyone--]
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"You assume I am a stranger to pain." They have died so, so many times. It's never been painless.
You can't imagine how this feels. Well they can give it the old college try.
Their teeth grind and their hands fist as he once more addresses Frisk. "Frisk is not the arbiter of my actions, Doctor. Do not presume they hold power over me." Never again.
*Chara.
One word, and an unspoken request for control in the steel of it, and what causes Chara to acquiesce is that that steel is not directed towards them. Frisk is finally making their move, and they're not happy.
The fists uncurl and Frisk regards Gaster with an unreadable expression. The next statement is firm and flat.
"You're not helping."
They'll be a bit more concerned with how that could be read in a second, but right now they're focused on making a capital T Timeout.
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It's not easy. It isn't working. Time seems to slow to a crawl and all he can feel is horror at the concept of these two lost children trapped in his former prison. (He may blame himself later, but right now there's no room for self-recrimination. It's far too personal for him to be logical, distant, adult.)
Agonizingly slowly, he manages one word. [Frisk?]
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They sign in return - something about that just feels right, somehow.
[Um. Yes.] A pause. [Hi.]
A small half-wave, the fingers curling down onto the palm. They didn't think through much past this point, but they still have to ask, before anything else gets done, brows pinching. [Are you okay?] First things first.
There's a pulse of discontent from Chara. Frisk sends I-know-what-I'm-doing back, and while there's a response of I-doubt-that in return, Chara settles somewhat, watching hawklike.
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The waves of motion continue, making him ripple like something disgusting dredged up from the sea floor.
[Child. I do not think I can help. Perhaps you should leave.]
That would be better, he thinks. There isn't much he can say, is there? Not in this state.
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One thing they're sure of here, is that they can't just leave things like this - they burn red inside too, too much to easily let things go.
[It's okay.] They try to keep their body language soothing. They don't need any help. He's the one that needs help right now - there's that internal wince at that previous phrasing. They try to think of what might mollify. [Um. Chara can't use it anyway.]
Neither of them know what it is, and even if Frisk did they wouldn't tell. That's not the important part. [They're nicer than you think. They wouldn't kill me. Not unless I hurt them bad again.]
This, Frisk is confident of, despite a vehement internal threat being tossed their way and rolling off like water. They wouldn't kill Frisk at this point, and they can't be separate in the Underground, so it can't be done. So unless a... the thing... shows up in the Castle somehow it's more a of thought exercise on Chara's part rather than something that can actually happen, is the point Frisk is trying to convey.
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Then:
[They certainly won't believe this, but I don't want either of you to suffer. The thought of this happening to Chara is... disturbing. It shouldn't happen to anyone. Possible or not, it unsettles me.]
Understatement of the year, right there. It doesn't matter if it's speculation, see. Too raw. He made that obvious--he's still twitching involuntarily, though less than before.
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There's a bark of a laugh in the back of the mindscape when Gaster signs. No, Chara doesn't believe it. Not when they have suffered, and likely will again, and while the tower of their seeing all Gasters as facets of one individual has been struck a blow to the foundations here today, it is still standing.
Doesn't want either of them to suffer doesn't presume that suffering won't happen.
They would like to not suffer, very much.
It has more of an effect on Frisk, who has their own plans lying elsewhere. [Sorry], they say automatically, because even though they weren't the one that initially pressed and dug, they could have done more to stop it, or not have continued speaking of it. [Shouldn't've happened to you either.]
There's guilt there, and they don't know why. There's usually guilt, even for things that logically they can acknowledge they didn't have all that much control over.
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No, it shouldn't have. None of the many decent men who are all him, all out there trying to hold onto themselves. Irrelevant. This shouldn't be about him, he lost control and made it so anyway, and the least he can do is try to steer the conversation away from his condition a little.
[I should apologize, myself.] Not Frisk, hardly. [That... was an overreaction on my part. I'm aware.]
More understating it all, for the sake of not having to admit he panicked. They already know, he doesn't need to.
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It shouldn't be about him? It shouldn't be about Frisk. They're the bystander here, and they want to open their mouth, insist that it's not beside the point if it really hurt him, but they don't. They pull it back, and swallow it down. That's not going to help. Picking and prying never helps. Stepping in where they're not wanted.
[It's okay.]
They should probably get Chara away now, before anything else happens, and they lift their hands again knowing if they say goodbye they probably won't be seeing him for a while, and might not be themself then. [They don't want Sans and Papyrus to suffer either. I know they won't though.]
They being the skeleton brothers. [And they don't believe me but that's okay.]
There's no easy solution here.
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How similiar they are, both insisting it's fine. His shakes are easing, so it isn't entirely a lie--it might be fine. At some point. He'll perservere. He'll go on, and there will be moments he enjoys. That's the most he can hope for, and that anyone can ask of him.
Time to make some promises once more, to Chara, who he knows is listening.
[They might believe me one of these days. I haven't approached the youngest brothers yet and I have no plans to. But as I said, one of the older ones knew me, missed me, and we enjoy spending time together. That isn't up for negotiation, because I would never in my right mind harm him.]
Nope. If it were anyone else, he might agree to it. But as it is, it's unthinkable. Who knows how long they'll have together?
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Sans, as an adult, can take care of himself, bones and blasters to offset one HP. Frisk for their part, nods and gives Gaster a thumbs up and... creatively paraphrases.
[They're okay with that. I know you wouldn't, too.]
In his right mind... well, this Castle has a way of twisting people's minds apparently. But Frisk is shoving that firmly in the Feelings Box.
[I. Um. Can go if you want now.]
But only if he wants. It's a problem, that they aren't in their own form which would make this so much easier, and they viscerally miss it with a strength that surprises even them.
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Silly Frisk, thinking that's an easy question... though it would be, if it weren't for what Chara wants. It can't be comfortable to stay near him.
[I don't mind if you stay.]
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It still isn't comfortable to stay near him, even with the revelation of little magic and the fact of slow speed, but they made the decision to. Still.
I mind. I have what I came here for.
It's not entirely a conscious or deliberately sent thought on Chara's part, but they aren't going to take it back on detecting the reverb of it being picked up. Frisk chews their lower lip, visibly conflicted and not quite looking at Gaster as they do when communicating with Chara. In the end though, they come to a decision.
At the end of the day, Chara's the one they're rooming with. They'll do their best to make up for this when they can.
[Chara... doesn't want to. But thanks! Later, definitely.] A firm nod and a thumbs up. Events that separated them have happened twice now. Maybe it will happen a third time.
I should hope not.
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Later, Frisk says. How odd. He stands slowly, seemingly fused together legs separating again. [That's fine. Goodbye.]
He's going to go too. The garden sounds... nice. A good place to not think.