tossing and turning

[dustless]

It seems that human food doesn't really do much for the SOUL.

Well, maybe it would if it had been special food. Frisk vaguely remembers hearing about food made by dear loved ones can help heal heartbreak, and that might be close enough to count.

But they don't really...have that right now. They just have castle-made candies and cakes and fruit, and while that was better than nothing, none of that stops the uncomfortable ache settled in their chest and pulsing through their body.

They also recall a little rabbit child talking about how sleeping could help with that. Well, sleeping in hotels specifically, but that rabbit had been in a hotel, and the castle could probably be called a hotel, albeit one filled with unwilling residents. 

And so they quest to find a place to take a nap, without having to worry as much about being found by a particular troubled skeleton. They haven't given up on him, nowhere near it, but they'd like to be healthy when they meet again just in case. So their usual resting spot of "in the garden" was discarded, since it's right in the middle of everything.

As nice as it had been to be outside during it, their original plan--to hide out on top of a tower and catch a nap there--was foiled by the rain that came with the storm.

So Frisk carefully steals through the castle towers until they find one with a mostly-empty bedroom almost to the top, and try to rest there.

Key word: try.

The bed is very soft and comfortable, and they hover around the hazy edges of sleep for what feels like hours, but they never quite make it there. They're too worried about...sort-of-Papyrus. And Sans. And their friends they left behind, and their friends here, and just--everyone. They can't focus on a goal until they feel better, but they can't rest unless they stop worrying, and so they just cycle through thoughts over and over and over. And their low HP only distracts them even more.

So eventually, Frisk gives up and collapses into a soft-ish chair by the tower's window instead, watching the sky turn oranges and pinks, and a handful of stars appear between swaths of cloud. Maybe they'll be soothed to sleep by the prettiness of it. 


[backdated in the castle's nebulous timeframe of after their 'fight' with S4 and meeting Thor, but before everything else.]

Comments

[systematicsupport]

"...Oh. It seems like that is a common perception. I mean... that's why Sans and I..."

That's why the two of them were created. S-4 trails off, too nervous to say more. He hears the displeasure in Frisk's voice, and he can't help but laugh quietly.

"Don't feel bad. I... I'm supposed to be very strong. Maybe you just haven't fought someone that's capable of... all of that."

[dustless]

That nets him a brief puzzled stare. Their persistent exhaustion means filling in the blanks takes a bit longer than it normally would. "...oh. Yeah." They're not even sure what to say about it, anyway.

"You are strong...still. Did lots and I'm out of practice. And also, made me remember--I'm sorry back at you," Frisk interrupts their own train of thought. "Shouldn't have stayed, knew you were scared and made it worse. Usually more careful than that too."

[systematicsupport]

He doesn't know what to say about it either, though he does lower his head and mumble a quiet "sorry" before falling silent. He knows he shouldn't really be apologizing for existing, and he couldn't have changed everyone's mind about humans, but he still feels strangely guilty.

"Made you remember what...? You shouldn't apologize. I was... you didn't know I would do that. And you... were worried about me."

Or worried about some... other version of him. This Papyrus everyone besides him seems to know.

[dustless]

"Different fights, just that," Frisk says as dismissively as they can. It made them remember losing to their Papyrus and all their weird feelings about everything, and they don't feel like talking about that too much.

"We're...we're both sorry. They were accidents." Their arm lifts, hesitates, partially drops back down. "Are you...okay?" He's very clearly not, but they don't know what to ask otherwise.

[systematicsupport]

"Ah, I understand."

He holds back another apology. He can see he's made Frisk a little uncomfortable, so he doesn't pry.

"I guess it was an accident... I'm okay, though. Now that... I've found Sans here, it isn't so bad."

He's not sure he'll ever get used to this place, but he's at least functioning.

[dustless]

They feel an unexpectedly strong rush of guilt at brushing him off like that. They shift a little more until they're physically a bit closer, though that puts them dangerously close to the edge of the chair.

"I'm...it's good you found each other. He was...he...I think he needs--needed people he knows. Other than just me. Or Gaster. People he knows and loves. And glad you're not alone here either. It's nice." Frisk's voice is fuzzy.

[systematicsupport]

At that he moves a bit closer, so that Frisk doesn't have to sit on the edge of the chair any longer. He wants them to be comfortable... he wants lots of people to be comfortable here.

"...Do you think it's okay that it's me? I'm not exactly the one he 'knows'..."

He manages a sheepish look.

"Oh... sorry, you're tired. I shouldn't be bothering you."

[dustless]

Frisk doesn't really think of moving back. Their head flops against the arm of the chair--good thing it's cushioned--and they hesitate again, just for a second, before reaching out and settling a hand on his arm. They honestly want to hug him. They also feel like that might be a little too much right now, for the both of them. "...uh-huh. It's okay. Just because your time isn't--it doesn't--you're still brothers. You and him and me. We can all get to know us more here."

They sigh, except it's shaky. "It's okay," they say again. "Prob'ly not sleeping even if you leave."

[systematicsupport]

He stiffens up slightly under their touch, but after a few moments, he manages to relax, smiling just slightly. He's getting used to touch. It's something he and his brother and Gaster shared a lot, and now he's just applying it to others.

"...Right. You know me too, don't you? Can I ask... how? I mean, what was I like?"

Probably nothing like he is now. He doesn't feel bad asking that, now that he knows they can't sleep. He may as well distract them.

[dustless]

So do they, a little, but he doesn't shake them off. They hope it feels nice.

"...Papyrus? He's en..." their muddled mind can't really spit out the word enthusiastic. "Excited. About lots of stuff. Like cooking. And making friends. He was training to be part of the royal guard when we met, and he was pretty good at it."

[systematicsupport]

It does feel nice, very reassuring. Hearing about what he's like actually helps too, in a strange way. From the way things have been going, he's started to assume Papyrus is who he becomes in the future... so to become someone happy, with lots of hobbies and interests, and talents? It sounds incredible.

"What does he like to cook? And... what's the royal guard?"

that particular icon always gives me many feelings

[dustless]

"Spaghetti, mostly. I think other pasta stuff too." They don't know how to explain what that is, if S-4 doesn't end up knowing.

That second question gives them pause. They sort of expected someone...made...to take humans out would already know.

"Royal Guard is...they're...monsters who guard. Protect the Underground. Their boss--her name's Undyne, a fish warrior lady, but she works for the king, so. Royal comes from that."

yuuuup. honestly i have so much icon fodder now, i should probably get more for ultimate feelings

[systematicsupport]

Luckily, S-4 does remember seeing that dish in a cookbook Gaster lent him, so he just nods. "That sounds really good." Maybe someday he'll be a good cook too?

"Oh, I see. They sound really important. I'm not surprised I'd want to join them."

Since S-4 tends to focus more on the part of his duties that involve protecting, that job sounds perfect for him. He could look after everyone, not just Sans.

"...What about my brother? Is he the same as he is here?"

YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE US SUFFER, DON'T YOU.

[dustless]

"Undyne taught him cooking, too. She's...also excited about that. And being part of the royal guard, protecting. They're good friends, I think. And he caught me a lot." Frisk's thoughts are jumping around a lot, but they sound quite fond throughout it.

"Sans? Yeah. Think so. He, um. He's a little more serious here. Just a little. Usually..." They brush their bangs from their forehead. "...is he...what's yours like?"

SUFFERING IS MY FAVOURITE PASTTIME

[systematicsupport]

"I'm glad she liked spending time with me. She sounds like someone I'd want to be friends with... what do you mean, caught?"

It's a little hard to keep up, but he's still smiling, hearing how happy they are.

"He does seem kind of serious here... I think he was hurt. A lot."

That's when his smile starts to falter.

"...I don't really know what mine is like."

IT IS FOR MOST RPers TO BE FAIR

[dustless]

"'M human. He was supposed to catch me." Or kill them, but they're not about to say that. "And he did, but I got out a lot, too. We ended up making friends instead of being enemies. Did with Undyne too. We were all friends."

They go a little quieter. "Yeah. He...met a human that was...worse than me. That hurt a lot of people." Who also killed him, but they definitely don't know that part yet.

Frisk doesn't know what to think of that, and they tilt their head quizzically. How can he not know what his Sans is like?

LEGIT

[systematicsupport]

"Oh... I see. I'm glad you weren't upset with him for trying to catch you all the time. And I'm glad that you were all friends."

He wishes he could just focus on those happy moments instead, but here they are, moving into his and Sans' past. He also gets quieter, and folds his arms in front of him in an attempt to take up less space.

"...I wish I could have protected him."

Frisk doesn't know, but he's talking about both of them. Protecting the Sans here from that human, and protecting his own brother from falling down.

[dustless]

Silence reigns, at least for a minute. Of course they shouldn't have brought that up. They didn't mean to distress S-4 even more than he already was. He'd been calm and happy and now he isn't.

"We're friends, too," they say abruptly. "I mean, just...if you want to be."

[systematicsupport]

"...Are you sure? You... you really don't have to be this nice to me."

He wants to be friends, of course he does... he just knows that after what he's done, how badly he's hurt Frisk in all these different ways, he wouldn't expect Frisk to even want to be near him.

[dustless]

"Yes. I like you. 'N' why not?"

He didn't actually kill them. That's technically a lot more than most of their friends can boast, even if they don't know it.

[systematicsupport]

"Because I hurt you, and... I'm not the same 'me' you know. I'll only make you upset."

He's just... not good enough to be the Papyrus everyone wants him to be.

[dustless]

"...All of my friends hurt me." Even Sans, though that was just their feelings. "They thought they had to. So did you. I'm not mad. 'F I was, I wouldn't have any friends at all."

Slowly, Frisk sits up, since that seems more serious than talking lying down.

The 'upset' thing rings true, but that doesn't matter.

"Don't care. I'd rather be friends than not. And you...don't...you haven't had enough where you're from."

[systematicsupport]

"Why did they think that they had to? They... don't sound like they were like me. They could have been kind to you. And... you deserve friends that don't try to hurt you like that."

He fidgets with his fingerbones. His protests are valid, but he's finding, especially with that last point from Frisk, that he doesn't want to complain anymore.

"...I haven't had any, before coming here. So if it's okay... I want to be your friend too."

[dustless]

Frisk is slow to answer, because it feels important that they explain this.

"...some thought humans were always bad, and wanted to protect everyone. Some thought other monsters would use me for bad things, and tried to get me first. Some cared but thought making me fight would keep...would show that I was strong, and wouldn't just die. I got to show them that I'm...okay. Things are okay."

He isn't entirely wrong, but they don't know how to process that. So what if their friends fought them, killed them, over and over again? It's in the past. Frisk knows they can handle it.

"Okay." They sink back down a little and smile. "Good. Going to be really cool friends, I know it."

[systematicsupport]

"I... I think I understand. Everyone has different reasons for doing what they do. I just... wish that hadn't been their way of showing how they felt. E-Even if you are okay, I... I never want to do that again. I want to heal you, not hurt you."

He smiles too, gently, but genuinely.

"Do you really think I can be... cool? You seem to be the cool one. And the nice one, too."